Pills, Pieces & Peace

I am going crazy in my mind, tired in my body & loosing energy. Pain in my body, unable to sleep & epilepsy is making me to take quite heavy cocktail of pills – medication.

Taking the strong epilepsy pills twice a day since I’ve got the cramps
Every night painkiller & anti histamin join this insane party of flashy pills
Feeling doped but I still can’t sleep or get rid of the body pain
Hoping this all will soon end coz I don’t want to be pills’ dependent

Pills are keeping a few things away from me
But they’re also poisoning me slowly
So many chemicals in my body flowing, pure impurity
Don’t have enough energy to handle them & still remain me

The feeling of moving 2 steps forward & 1 backward
It’s not that things aren’t moving on the right path
But it doesn’t mean I feel normal as I used to be
Perhaps that’s the meaning to redefine & redesign me

Sometimes it’s irritating when I can’t hold the things with my left hand as I used to be
Every other day I’m breaking something into pieces, that brings the frustration into me
But I’m not giving up & I won’t coz keep failing is the way of learning
Mesmerized at the same time how brain has affected me physically & mentally

The feeling of handicap comes & goes when I can’t do the things I used to
Struggling to do the small things that used to be so normal back then to me
Where I never had to think of “how to” or “now let me see”
I must drop the phrase “that I used to be” coz I need to rewire to reach where I used to be

At times I feel the heavy burden on the whole family
Just want to break down this wall with my left fist & want to scream
Until every single brick gets crushed or falls apart
Where I retain my balance without my brain makes me feel dizzy

Don’t tell me it’s very normal
Don’t tell me this is how it is
Don’t tell me it’s a part of the process
Don’t tell me I’m not getting crazy

No, I’m not writing so you feel bad about me
No, sympathy is the last thing I need
Perhaps this is the reminder to be thankful for every single thing
It doesn’t matter if it’s big or small or very simple thing

I’m calm & determined but restless & annoyed at the same time
Complex but that’s what’s going on
Still learning to accept my situation
Where the key is patience & inner peace
They can’t be found anywhere but in the burning core of this human being

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7 thoughts on “Pills, Pieces & Peace”

        1. The pleasure is all mine. You’re a great writer….Already loving what you write….how you express…from your heart…whatever it may be….If we were plain, things would boring…craziness is that extra spice we all need….it’s the quality. Much love ❤️

  1. I really appreciate your kindness! I honestly have no idea what I’m doing, I just like to write whatever pops in my head, it is extremely cathartic for me. I have always written to get the words out but never shared until I started this wp blog. I agree, craziness makes things interesting and spicy sometimes lol You are an incredible person and I love the raw intensity of your writing ❤

  2. I can sense from your writings…they are coming from the true place…the heart…Keep writing….keep sharing

    Thank you very much for your kind words. I write what I feel, realize, experience….the poem comes to me than I plan to think & write a poem…They are quite therapeutic…Much love ❤️

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