Speculations

It’s like having the recipe of inner peace but difficult to master it. Questioning myself the “what ifs” as I’m quite anxious, restless & feeling inner pain. I’m simply accepting what I’m feeling but at the same time, focusing on my breathing to evaporate my speculations.

What if I could talk & walk without loosing my balance?
What if I could feel my left arm without the weird sensation?
What if I didn’t loose & break things every now & then?
What if I could remember the things without hammering my brain?
What if I had the strength most of the day without getting tired?
What if I could this & that without snapping with fire?

I know it’s the baby steps that I must take
Breathe in, let go of a few things, for my own sake
But I’m a human being & I do feel sometimes very sick
I wish to swim in deep waters & not to sink
The mind, body & soul if I could really sync
The joyful melodies if I could mostly write & then sing
All I feel is to throw that fireball straight before it starts to swing

Wings I’m missing to fly
Rings I’m dropping in ocean
Pins I’m feeling in head
Anxiety I’m writing to show
Chains I’m tightening to exhale
Pain I’m sensing in hearts
Links I’m tying to connect
Love I’m expressing to soul

But beasts are hitting the beats
The desire to prey on me & eat
My surface is beaded & is ready to bleed
But all I need is to close my eyes & breathe
To reach the deepest of the deep
To find the peace inside of me
To sit on top of the snowy mountain in bare skin with ease
To simply evaporate my speculations by spiritual means

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