Snapping

Obviously, a lot is going on in my head these days & that’s why I’m spitting poems quite often. Snapping on people, mood swings, insecurity, frustration, imbalance, heavy epilepsy medicines, no heart connection are playing quite an important role.

I can feel something has changed in me
And it’s just not me who share this opinion about me
Coz I can see that it doesn’t take a lot before I loose control of my scene

If the things aren’t the way I like, then I get very upset & very mean
Then the moments begin where I start nagging & complaining about immaterial things
It’s just right there, I make it worse by snapping over family

Nothing matters to me at that point coz I can’t figure things out
Sometimes I don’t even know what I did wrong & why it’s my fault
Sometimes I wonder why so much smoke coming out from the wooden log
They just look at me in despair & are ready to sob
All I need is my space but the whole space is blinded by this thick fog

So tell me how I can rationalize
If I don’t know I’m about to jeopardize
The relationship & family lives
I’m not that scary monster, ready to eat everyone alive

It pains me to see them suffer
But then why have I become so blunt & why can’t I shut up?
Why can’t I simply use heart as the filter?
To let go of the things which can’t be used as the filler

So I need me to help me out
To find & then sort the things out
To scream in my own ears so loud
To find clear skies behind the darker clouds
All I need is to breathe the air in & then breathe it out

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6 thoughts on “Snapping”

  1. The breath is so very important in this whole process….anger, meanness, & filled w/grief…it’s not whom we wanted to be and it’s a trying task looking through those bottle caps……I wish your healing is a success in which it is your soul’s quest. Much love my flowic {hugs}

      1. my own management of anger has been beyond trying and to those around I can only imagine …my heart goes out to you & your loved ones….it’s a journey for all involved…much love

        1. Rightly said….it’s a journey for all involved…..but I’m sure that you’ve been trying your best to manage / control your anger…..as you also know well that it affects the loved ones…..just like I’m trying my best….even though it doesn’t seems sometimes….much love

          1. I can say…I never knew anger until pain took over this body…..an anger based on confusion rather than fear. There is no fear in pain it is a sensation that breaches every realm of all 3….depending on whom wins on what flows out from w/in. The aggression is the friction produced by the internal battle….of the limitations created by the physicality of reality…& the pain body not quite functioning properly beyond what seems to be our ‘control’ and mere whim of the unknown…I hush up…I fucked up & missed love…except for the unconditional I gave to my kids? I hope you haven’t regrets…those are the hindrance in the end? {hugs}

            1. If I have regrets? I really don’t know. Never thought of it. Perhaps….perhaps not. But it’s true those are the hindrance in the end….just like trauma
              ….where it’s not possible to be absolutely free….

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