I can feel something has changed in me
And it’s just not me who share this opinion about me
Coz I can see that it doesn’t take a lot before I loose control of my scene
If the things aren’t the way I like, then I get very upset & very mean
Then the moments begin where I start nagging & complaining about immaterial things
It’s just right there, I make it worse by snapping over family
Nothing matters to me at that point coz I can’t figure things out
Sometimes I don’t even know what I did wrong & why it’s my fault
Sometimes I wonder why so much smoke coming out from the wooden log
They just look at me in despair & are ready to sob
All I need is my space but the whole space is blinded by this thick fog
So tell me how I can rationalize
If I don’t know I’m about to jeopardize
The relationship & family lives
I’m not that scary monster, ready to eat everyone alive
It pains me to see them suffer
But then why have I become so blunt & why can’t I shut up?
Why can’t I simply use heart as the filter?
To let go of the things which can’t be used as the filler
So I need me to help me out
To find & then sort the things out
To scream in my own ears so loud
To find clear skies behind the darker clouds
All I need is to breathe the air in & then breathe it out
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The breath is so very important in this whole process….anger, meanness, & filled w/grief…it’s not whom we wanted to be and it’s a trying task looking through those bottle caps……I wish your healing is a success in which it is your soul’s quest. Much love my flowic {hugs}
Thanks a lot Crystsl….much love
my own management of anger has been beyond trying and to those around I can only imagine …my heart goes out to you & your loved ones….it’s a journey for all involved…much love
Rightly said….it’s a journey for all involved…..but I’m sure that you’ve been trying your best to manage / control your anger…..as you also know well that it affects the loved ones…..just like I’m trying my best….even though it doesn’t seems sometimes….much love
I can say…I never knew anger until pain took over this body…..an anger based on confusion rather than fear. There is no fear in pain it is a sensation that breaches every realm of all 3….depending on whom wins on what flows out from w/in. The aggression is the friction produced by the internal battle….of the limitations created by the physicality of reality…& the pain body not quite functioning properly beyond what seems to be our ‘control’ and mere whim of the unknown…I hush up…I fucked up & missed love…except for the unconditional I gave to my kids? I hope you haven’t regrets…those are the hindrance in the end? {hugs}
If I have regrets? I really don’t know. Never thought of it. Perhaps….perhaps not. But it’s true those are the hindrance in the end….just like trauma
….where it’s not possible to be absolutely free….