I hear this anxiety is escalating slowly on my top floor While silence is hiding under the pillow from the screaming thoughts Restlessness has started filling my rough surface with the titanium foam I’m breathing heavily & shivering but it’s not coz it’s freezing cold So I start kneading my feet against each other to feel the needed warmth My body is gradually curling under the duvet in the consoling C form Anxiety is shaking me with this weird feeling of being the immortal corpse
It’s exhausting & daunting to choose this path to be all alone But my mind is fighting constantly while the heart has chosen to let it go My fluid eyes are wired to this immersive scene where I lay on bed & freely float I let anxiety travel inside of me without allowing it to absorb the shiny core It’s pinpointing these tiny dots on its way to create a meaningful flow This movement is painful but it’s better than to cage anxiety in the concealed box So I’m mindfully reconnecting to the silence where there’s no need to speak anymore
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I don’t know what I’m writing while I’m riding on these high & heavy waves coz it feels as if I’m the riot dressed as the dark knight that’s dicing the dark night into the liquid black diamonds to create this crazy environment that appears quite obnoxious as it starts to simply sparkle by the quiet flow of several mercury droplets that are dripping in line on quite uneven ground & merging together to form the contrasting soundless choir
I then choose to close my red eyes to empty this glass filled with edgy violence so I can make some space & listen to the storm of frozen silence that I breathe when I sit on the pilot seat in my once bled brainless but sharp carbon steel mind to take this very long turbulent flight to the figure eight shaped infinite to reach this place somewhere in between darkness & daylight where I start to flip the tinted & blurred slides under the flickering but intense light on this unknown street to reveal this crowded scene of real life
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Listen to your inner voice Sense the gut feeling The intuition It is the deepest and purest voice It is the voice of wisdom Try not to give attention to the voice of fear The voice of pain-body Turn down the volume of the mind Talking to you constantly Telling you what to and what not to do It will eat away the very essence of you Let it go and breathe freely Don’t let the anxiety control the flow of air Open the doors of higher sense perception Listen to the heart WYBIWYSIWYG What You Believe Is What You See Is What You Get Know yourself well Be your true friend Self-love is the key Don’t be afraid of falling There’s always a curled learning Even dark has light Connecting with silence is not being quiet Being vulnerable is not the weakness… …Was the conversation between I and mySelf
To order my poetry book – Lightning Rhymes, please click here
I’m sharing my very first spoken word, that I posted on 10th December 2020 on my WordPress blog. I don’t know why I’m doing so all of a sudden but there could be several reasons – from reminiscence to reflection.
The Edge is a poem about my struggles during that time. On 7th November 2019 I was hit by brain hemorrhage on the right side. Over 1 year had passed by but it was definitely not easy for me to fully accept, understand & live with this new reality. The feeling of broken & repaired at the same time. It just didn’t affect me alone but my surroundings as well, including the family. I could see this struggle on my inner screen as flow of images. So I decided to write those images in the form of this freestyle poetry. These words became so intense, at least in my head, that I felt like recording it in my voice. I didn’t know how to create spoken word back then. I didn’t bother searching it either coz I wanted to create this spoken word immediately, with whatever technical knowledge / tools I had. So I recorded my voice on my phone, created a Powerpoint presentation on my laptop, played the voice recording on it, timed the PP slides to sync with my voice & capture this all as a video through a free screen recorder software. I’m presenting the same original spoken word to you all.
Please put sound on…
I sit sharp on the edge of my bench in the dark with a hatchet in my hand to break open my senses & to claim that my pain in the veins is not vain but insane
But I get so mad & a bit sad when I spread metal scraps on myself coz then I bleed the beads so discreet on my crease to decrease the misery
So I feel quite shaky as if my skin is so thin like a leaf & it starts to burn instantly to create the debris that comes out from the heat of the seed
I’m torn at my core that I feel this need to ease & burn my peace into pieces on the street that’s filled with so many deep & some holes unseen
So I scream in infinity with my fluctuating beat coz I can’t simply breathe & it seems I’m the beast hinged to the scene of the shattered dream
I relapse on my screen coz this all feel so diseased when I see this degree of release & then I step explicitly into the bed of fire to become the deceased
But then I focus on to drop my sores with the source of my scope in this hope that one day I’ll for sure end this whole to simply blow everything to the pure
To order my poetry collection – Lightning Rhymes, please click here.
I published my book on 7th November 2021 – exactly 2 years after the bleeding. It’s my second birth or perhaps the first real one.
That nothing is everything when I sense this empty field with my closed eyes & when I sea it with the eyes opened
So often I’m calmly, mindfully, open heartedly surrounded by the surrendering & nurturing nature herbs of this supernatural Universe
Acceptance plays an important role in order to roll forward towards the highest order, which is unconditional love for myself & for the different reflections of me in the form of other human beings in my life that I see in the mirror of my I
High I am not at this or any other point of time where I type systematically the stereotyped lines that might act as the synthetic steroid to my ego muscle that proclaims that I’m the shine of the divine
The sign that I’m trying to light by switching the noise of high screams with the sensitive sound of sighs is to reveal that my ground could be the breathtaking landscape but it could also be the heartbreaking landslide
But to hide in the depths or the heights of the tides is not me & my type even when I can’t subside my pain side that I tend to subconsciously subscribe coz I’m not always able to be in oneness with nothingness
Needless to point this attention at the pointed needle which at times is ready to prick my demons stored in my cloud brain, that are kinda ready to devour every single vowel to break the meaningful words into meaningless carnage
The damage they cause in that coarse course is colossal that it’s close to irreparable but I still prepare myself by prepaying the cost of the vibrational effect from my different reflections by catching my own breath, which in reality is to reconnect with my senses to reset & dissolve my scene in the very present but perhaps it’s already too late coz I feel that I’m sitting with nothing but emptiness
To order my poetry collection – Lightning Rhymes, please click here
Two men were talking outside They weren’t agreeing on something, it’s obvious It then turned into an open & heated quarrel This picture changed its course right away One of the men lost it coz he was unwired His uneasy mind suddenly began to short circuit The feeling to kill other guy, to make him forever quiet He took his gun out & pointed it at this guy’s body
Pap Pap Pause Painful cry And then Pure silence Gunshots were fired Blood all over the place & now that man was quietly lying He got shot on the street in broad daylight
Hang on with me to see another scene, I’m not just rhyming A young kid got his eye on this piece of iron His eyes were fixed on his automatic rifle He’s not happy, so he was simply smiling Deep down he’s actually something planning He was visualizing the scene in his twisted mind He looked at the firearms last time & he switched off the light Next day was the very day he was gonna use the deadly toys He checked everything meticulously in the morning He drove to this school in his car filled with firearms His eyes were dead, he was filled with pure violence He got off the car loaded with bullets & rifle He was walking in the hallway like the storm so soundless
Rat-Tat-Tat Was the sound echoing in the sky Several kids were wounded in the school this time Some of them were already dead & some were slowly dying The horrific bloody scene was so alive Terror Trauma Fear Panic Screams They were hiding & crying At some point 911 was dialled They said cops were on their way, they were soon arriving The skies were then roaring with so many sirens Police & ambulances were coordinating & tactically lining The killer was still spraying bullets like water droplets Maximum destruction in his head, he kept firing Innocent kids covered in blood, they kept dying
Such horrendous incidents every other day has become so common Pap Pap, Rat-Tat-Tat, Bang-Bang are the sounds so common Killings due to disagreements, racism, mental instability & more are so common Gun violence in the name of self protection is so common This abnormal behaviour has become so bloody common Every other person owns the gun is so very common Government condenm such incidents & then move on is so very common Empty talks but no action is the scene so very common
The superpower on the surface of this world but truly powerless at the bottom Not providing a decent life to the citizens ain’t no superpower Trillions of dollars on warfare but poor for own people is the problem Not looking at the root cause to see why this all is happening is the problem Walking blindly on the river of blood & tears is the huge problem Accepting this so very common phenomenon is the very problem 40 k per year on an average dying alone in USA due to crazy gun violence When is it ever gonna end, why are people so helpless & blinded? Open your eyes to bring that change, you’ve got the power
Every single life matters!
There are n number of different scenarios…I’m highlighting only 2 of them…this poem is purely my view…there’s no political agenda…all I’m saying is that this gun violence needs to end…love is all we are & we have…
It’s hard to watch, I sigh Need to stop playing these slides But I can’t hit pause even though I try The dreamy crystals start to melt the eyes The transparent projections of the lonely tide
Images are so vivid on my OCD screen Oh see the scene of my patterns in high density The heart aches at times with sheer intensity My fingers pass through the phase of fluidity The sensation of pure touch is deep within me
Memories are burnt with layered cries The beautiful face & that breathtaking smile The hypnotizing music in the angelic voice Those poems were once dipped in You & I This space is still painted with pure shine
The flipping of the choice in the blink of an eye The zipping of your lines in the case of my mind The tripping of my heart when I sip your vibe The ripping of my parts from the very inside The dripping of my art in the form of these rhymes
Can you root what I’m grounding? Can you sea what I’m riding? Can you feel what I’m writing? Don’t misunderstand me, I don’t expect things All I’m saying is that I’ll always love you, miss
So I key those slides safely inside the ocean of my eyes And I beam these lines freely in the Universe so divine
To order my debut book – Lightning Rhymes, please click here 💫🖤✨
At times I am the bloody riot when my patterns act as a set of sharp plier that explicitly cut the delicate red wire to defuse the useless & quaky quarrel but then everything goes simply haywire and turn into the blues filled with pointy blames of hey & whys when the quiet in me detonates to the disturbed violent which isn’t the same as the conscious choice of pure violet
I can then see the greys in my big brown eyes which is obviously the craze dancing as the burning flames so wild that I start to phrase this scene as my twisted rhyme to simply brush away the pain dipped in colours so intense & loud to simply fall in place at this point in time
But when I sense all this on my screen with my closed eyes then I can tell these are just the shades of my beautiful life where I’m subconsciously digging the grave of my bleeding mind which is caged in the limitless space of the magical open skies coz everything feels so strange to my hidden but very present wise as if I were the rage beasting with my untamed deep voice but I’m just trying to breathe the inner peace in this electric current vibe so I shift the speed to reconnect with the energy of The High
To order my debut book – Lightning Rhymes, please click here 💫🖤✨
