Honestly

It keeps coming back
Every now & then
You’ll never forget
It was so intense
Why I chose that
When you birthed the offspring
I know exactly how you felt
Coz you still feel the same

I knew back then quite well
What’s going to happen
You see, my zodiac sign is Libra
The one with the balance
But I can’t always balance everything
And I don’t intend
But one thing I knew for sure
It was so certain
And I was already preparing myself
I don’t pretend
No matter what I was going to choose
It’s about to happen
That moment would draw me closer to my hell
It was destined

You had just given birth
And you needed me very much
But then……
I shocked you
I saddened you
I ignited you
I agitated you
I perplexed you
I pained you
I drained you
I deranged you
I rejected you
I abandoned you
I betrayed you
I hurt you
I left you
I simply left our 4 days old baby
All alone with you

Yeah, it sounds harsh & sad, ain’t no sitcom
And why it should not when it was
It’s all real, not just the inner war
I was that devil, who drew at you his heavy sword
But it wasn’t about one part, you see that’s only a half
The other half was bleeding as well coz it’s full of scars
But now it’s time to melt everything down to ground & extrude the purest form

I can see, it still brings you back to that old scene
Where I turned into that man, who seemed so mean
Yeah, I’ve heard it now several times
That way back I had a(nother) choice
You told me what others have said, what I chose wasn’t alright
That choice of mine has changed into the biggest crime of my life

But if you could only listen to my heavy & deep voice
Without holding painbody with the tightening grip of your vice
I never said it’s pretty easy & it’s gonna be nice
Believe me, it was the only one, my only right choice
I know you can’t see it through the lens of your naked eyes
I know you would take this all to a different level & otherwise
I know it was crazy tough but have you ever heard me deny?

But tell me….
Did you ever try to see once through my side?
Did you ever try to dig deep into my life?
Did you even notice the pain in my eyes?
Did you think my heart was cold jar full of ice?
Did I ever say if my choice was wonderful & wise?
Did you know that it was hard for me too as if I were to die?

But sometimes things are above & beyond, it’s all about the sacrifice
I know it was a very tough time, but still I don’t regret that choice
And I can’t explain you anymore, what was going on with me inside
One soul had found a new form & other was about to compromise
Read My Beloved with open heart & your beautiful big blue eyes
Things seem so unclear & dark, especially in hard times
But it’s the darkness, which carries the spiritual ray of light
This is my truth, my love; I don’t tell you no lies

But honestly….
Yeah, honestly….
Honestly, it is mind boggling
Honestly, it is bothering
Honestly, you see it as my failure but it was my responsibility
Honestly, I’ve heard it again several times undoubtedly
Honestly, I feel as if you are using it now consciously
Honestly, these words of yours are bombing on me, calamity
Honestly, you’re trying to give me guilt, I’m not able to find you in me
Honestly, life ain’t no time bomb, it doesn’t have to keep ticking constantly
Honestly, look deeper in dark ocean, there’re no waves but lots of life & mystery
And honestly….
Yeah, honestly….
Honestly, there was never dishonesty
Honestly, I’m standing right here, so come talk to me
Honestly, it’s time to move on & heal the inside of me in you
Honestly, just walk into me, profoundly