Experience – Page 8 – Navin's Poetry

The Shed

I was about to drop dead on my bed
But then I took a walk into my shed
That led to this fine old thread
I used back then to sew the cuts when I bled
I did slit open my fingers with the shaving blade
To self check, if my blood was thick & still very red

My path seemed so blurry in those photochromic spects
I had sleepless nights & then those crazy headaches
I felt as if I were sometimes spitting fire & some lead
I know you’re trying to paint the picture but you seem perplexed
You won’t understand what was going on in my 20s brain
There were times when I was completely drained
And on top, those frequent rides in the slow moving trains

Unsure what I wanted to do with so much stuff in my bag
Heavy burden on my shoulders & on those two skinny legs
But how would you ever catch up if you never lagged?
Coz there were times when my life was in jet lag phase
This is just not a phrase as I was really afraid
I would look in the mirror & ask who’s that unknown face

Now last thing I must tell you before I close this door with a bang
It’s OK if you judge me because I don’t give a damn
I know quite well, who I was back then & who I really am
Crazy drills & soul searching is one of my recipes to sustain
I am just a normal man, who’s vein gets sometimes jammed
Open your mind & heart and perhaps then you would understand
It’s not just me but everyone has that sort of shady shed
The only way to come out is to go deep inside your very own crazy shed

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The Slate

Original poetry

Staring at this empty slate
Want to scribble my current stat
But heart isn’t ready
Mind is talking crazy
Simply can’t breathe
And on top, am about to scream
Want to break that screen
Why do I feel so aggressive?
Or am I simply possessive?
But I know am worked up & explosive

This noise in my head
Want me to seriously shed
The ray of blood shade
And the desire to spread
The infectious lead
But it ain’t make no sense
So I try to take a nap
But thoughts make me react
The role I then enact
The throbbing in my chest
As if I’m on this unending chase
Don’t know where it would take
I feel my life’s on stake
My whole body starts to shake
Grass is full of deadly snakes

But is it all in my head?
My mind’s playing brain dead
So I take the knife in my hand
To cut this inner pain
In a hope to retain
The things I lost back then
But what would I really gain?
It’s not like I had the holy grail
Would I still give a damn?
To build that shattered old dam

It’s not really a simple game
When you ain’t snipers aim
You’ve been living in shallow fame
The stories you surely did tell
I’ll erase it one day from your slate
You see our talents are innate
But I don’t believe in checkmate
It’s not the way I want to relate
Coz your inside is so cheap
Have you ever tried to dig deep?
Sometimes I feel you a creep
And then you say, I am so freak
But should I be up the creek?
It all makes me question & think
While my eyes stop to blink
What’s the point of bonds & links?
Am I imprisoned in me with those links?
Why my world seems to shrink?

But then I see a little lively bird
Flying high in clear sky with no dirt
It lives in now & with no hurt
The pain disappears with a single sigh
The deeper calling to fly high
The eyes deep ocean in true joy
The feeling is beautiful & so divine
The sun has been shining very bright
I think I’ve got it somewhat right
The pure moment without that knife
The pieces of puzzle, I mean this life
The mountains, I feel I can climb
You see, this ain’t just a rhyme
It’s a story of my inner fight
But now it’s time to clean my slate
And go to bed before it gets too late

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Fading bonds

Original poetry

It’s time to unfold the untold story
Everything appears so green from your storey
If you dare come down from the cloud fake glory
You would see the red drops cover ground gory

Now get ready to smell some indecent scent I prepared
It would shake you to show the things you did back then
You were that big bro who weren’t really ever present
All you cared was percent & some extra cents
Did you ever care of the li’l one that love (God) sent?
It didn’t matter how far & how you lived back then
If you could simply unfold your arm & extend
But you would never feel her sorrow & the pain she felt
So here I stand & spread the ink to paint this picture
Sensing it’ll one day make a deep & permanent imprint in you

You & I belong to the same old family
But could you first explain this term we call family?
Where the bills mattered more than the family bonds
You didn’t even hesitate taking your siblings’ funds
As if your own big plate wasn’t full enough
All you cared was to stuff the greens under the rug
I can still see that picture where you played that thug
“Feed the greed” was indeed what you did
But no complaint ever, her lips were always sealed
And then you say blood relations matter the most, huh?

You see, family is simply a useless tag
If you demote the love & emote, then what is left?
But one day you would realize, you did make some bad choices
When karma would hit you & won’t make no noise
“What you sow is what you reap” can’t be denied
You still have some time to make it right
But oh no, it’s too late coz your li’l sis ain’t alive

And before I go, hear this one last thing
If you did not live & if you did not mean
Then why the stories & why you pretend?
Live from your heart & love from there
This is the beginning of the very end

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Lies

Original poetry

Lies….
I don’t hear anything but the lies
So many years have now passed by
Even though the time seems to fly
All I hear are the stories of earth & sky
They are covered up in nothing but the lies
Two persons’ biggest ever sacrifice
Twisted by you all into the greatest lie

They were in deep pain & sorrow
Trauma was residing in their marrow
Til their last moments they swallowed
They hid the reality to avoid the quarrel
To simply protect you both
It seems they took some kind of oath

But what did they get in the end?
Those who are still alive didn’t comprehend
The how, the what & the why
How could they even withstand?
To give the cute one far far away
But all they wanted was to help you pave
The life you both had dreamt
What’s the need to disrespect the dead?
You weren’t the savior back then which you pretend

This all became so powerful in my soul
All I wanted to do was to stop you & roar
When I saw how you delivered that lie
You didn’t even blink for a second your eye
In a moment you were that king
Who helped the poor souls with that thing
I wanted to cry & scream
You a sly
Why do you still deny?
Just stop telling anymore this lie
All you wanted to look good in everyone’s eyes
But can you even look deeper into your own eyes?
When your high was based on this pure lie

You see this ain’t a game of hide & seek
I feel I’m about to explode & get quite sick
All I want you now is to stop telling this lie
You are also hurting the ones who are still alive
You know that I love you
I always have
But I don’t understand
Why you cover your face & spit the lie?
I hope you would care for those who are now dead
The cute one must also know the real tale
Be the man & break open the shallow shell
So come out of your ego before you drop dead

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The Burning Song

Original poetry

Read it as if you rap

It’s all getting pretty crazy

It started making me dizzy

I keep hearing every then & now

I did something bad & very wrong

Even though we agreed upon

That I’ll be cool & calm

But I failed to follow

I was supposed to swallow

Irritation & frustration

Dissertation on relation

Confrontation & aggression

Patterns taking over

I’m losing the ground

OMG

Seems I’ve gone crazy

So now here I’m again

To take the blame

And a pinchful of shame

Facing the consequences

Of the sequences of mishaps

Perhaps I am the only one

Who’s all over the place

But I simply can’t stand

In one by one space

It seems I’m that crowd

Suffocated & passing out

I hear you loud & clear

You tell me I’m getting there

Where I don’t really care

Don’t even give a damn

But you don’t understand

I can’t always be tamed

Look first in the mirror

Before you even quiver

Now it’s burning high

There’s hue & cry

Emotions of rage & fear

You’re getting ready to disappear

You see me now so tall

It seems I’m changing my form

I’m this scary dragon size

Spitting fire & murder eyes

Just want you to hear me out

So I scream at you pretty loud

But the shield you’ve put on

No, you can’t hear me at all

In your eyes I’m this bloody form

But in reality I’m simply torn

You’ve been trying to tell me

I am the only one freezing

I need desperate upgrading

Coz I’m that psychopath

Losing the only true path

The person you want me to be

The new version of me

My new design won’t be mean

I might come out pretty clean

Would take the toughest hit

And some other sorts of shit

But it can’t be just me

It is the way you see

Feel the things going with me

Don’t shut the doors so rapidly

Now try to hear me out

Gonna speak a bit loud

Enough of dissing

Saying dis-dat & hissing

I might be completely wrong

But who’s always spot on

So let’s start this all over

Let’s not use no cover

You & I are this loving pair

Sometimes covered in many layers

Perhaps marinated in deep pain

But it’s just a superficial coat

We aren’t no shadow ghosts

There’s always the darker side

But look at the beautiful sight

The intense radiant light

The blue & clear sky

If I’m the one with fire

Be the water on me

If you’re that very storm

I’ll come to you with peace

Let’s be naked & true

Remove the layers & the glue

But one thing is crystal clear

If I’m this heart

Then you’ll always be the beat

So let’s start all over my dear

Coz I’m you

And you’re me

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NAVIN’S POEMS © 2019