The Sacred Connection

I’m writing my intense dream in the form of this poetry. The feeling of being connected to my last life, with my then wife. I’m still mesmerized as I can still feel the heart connection, love, the intimacy; the spiritual side is pure divine.

Once upon a time
He saw this woman so beautiful & divine
She was the goddess with intense eyes
Her dance was sensual & mesmerizing
She was wearing red, her moves were hypnotizing

She was dancing bare feet on the sandy ground
Splashing waves was the music in background
The campfire lit the scene in the dark
Her face was radiant in those golden sparks

His eyes were fixed on this beautiful divine
He was watching her closely with bird’s-eye
He was drawn to her immensely, no surprise
She wanted his attention, no denying
She had waited for him long for several lives

He landed close to her, as if he had the wings to fly
They looked deep into each other’s big & intense eyes
Instant love & connection, the two sacred hearts
He flew back to his place where he belonged
While he was carrying her in his arms

He was an Egyptian king in his past life
She became his queen, the one with the title of his wife
She was the only one, who could see through his eyes
She filled his life with a purpose, her love & pure divine
The twin flames still burning, they’re one of a kind
The magic is still living from the flames of their past life

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© 2020 Navin’s Poetry. All rights reserved.

Happy B’day My Dearest Wife

This poem is dedicated to my wife on her b’day, expressing how I feel and how she’s been supporting me & being there for the whole family in difficult times.

  1. You are that golden & intense sunshine
  2. Who lighten up my darkened shades & gloomy signs
  3. Even though we’re going through very difficult times
  4. It’s you, who has kept me & the family alive
  5. You’re the beautiful being with the sense of the sublime
  6. The heart of yours is pure & divine
  7. The emotions flow in you as the waves – sinusoid
  8. I’m deeply thankful that you’re in my life
  9. I know, I don’t always show it & sometimes I make you cry
  10. But you must know that I love you very high, you’re the magical kind
  11. Jan – A Very Happy B’day from our beautiful kids & me – my dearest & beautiful wife

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Pills, Pieces & Peace

I am going crazy in my mind, tired in my body & loosing energy. Pain in my body, unable to sleep & epilepsy is making me to take quite heavy cocktail of pills – medication.

Taking the strong epilepsy pills twice a day since I’ve got the cramps
Every night painkiller & anti histamin join this insane party of flashy pills
Feeling doped but I still can’t sleep or get rid of the body pain
Hoping this all will soon end coz I don’t want to be pills’ dependent

Pills are keeping a few things away from me
But they’re also poisoning me slowly
So many chemicals in my body flowing, pure impurity
Don’t have enough energy to handle them & still remain me

The feeling of moving 2 steps forward & 1 backward
It’s not that things aren’t moving on the right path
But it doesn’t mean I feel normal as I used to be
Perhaps that’s the meaning to redefine & redesign me

Sometimes it’s irritating when I can’t hold the things with my left hand as I used to be
Every other day I’m breaking something into pieces, that brings the frustration into me
But I’m not giving up & I won’t coz keep failing is the way of learning
Mesmerized at the same time how brain has affected me physically & mentally

The feeling of handicap comes & goes when I can’t do the things I used to
Struggling to do the small things that used to be so normal back then to me
Where I never had to think of “how to” or “now let me see”
I must drop the phrase “that I used to be” coz I need to rewire to reach where I used to be

At times I feel the heavy burden on the whole family
Just want to break down this wall with my left fist & want to scream
Until every single brick gets crushed or falls apart
Where I retain my balance without my brain makes me feel dizzy

Don’t tell me it’s very normal
Don’t tell me this is how it is
Don’t tell me it’s a part of the process
Don’t tell me I’m not getting crazy

No, I’m not writing so you feel bad about me
No, sympathy is the last thing I need
Perhaps this is the reminder to be thankful for every single thing
It doesn’t matter if it’s big or small or very simple thing

I’m calm & determined but restless & annoyed at the same time
Complex but that’s what’s going on
Still learning to accept my situation
Where the key is patience & inner peace
They can’t be found anywhere but in the burning core of this human being

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© 2020 Navin’s Poetry. All rights reserved.

Piece of Mind

I’m frustrated, annoyed, sad, angry and having difficulties in focussing or doing anything as I keep comparing how easy it was for me before the brain haemorrhage. I can’t sleep at nights as my mind is talking to me constantly. I’m trying to reset my mind by looking at the spiritual aspect by living in the present; by dissolving the thoughts of my crazy mind. I am visualizing hope & light in the form fireflies that brighten the dark scene.

I can’t do several things in the now
That I used to in my previous time
The things that were already defined
The need to shout & cry
When things look different on my site
When obstructions are difficult to line
Wish to work, that I can’t deny
When my hand won’t work even though I try
When I feel helpless but I still keep going on & fight
I need to now quantify
To clearly justify
Then to nullify
The new awakening to simply redefine
To purely redesign
To mentally & spiritually refine
To simply search & find
To restitute my peace of mind
The obscure is the new defined
With this crazy mind
That speaks when I sleep at night
To walk me through my inside
To enlighten & give me the insight
To simply simplify
And then to synthesize
To make things synchronize
With this body & my mind
The formless form makes me to fly
To form the fireflies
That light the darker skies
That make my vision of a different kind
That’s so clear with infinite sight
Coz I won’t give up till I die
Sounds crazy but this is how I’m living my life

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© 2019 Navin’s Poetry. All rights reserved.

Phase It

Phase it is a poem that was written when I got back home. I’m going through difficult times. I’m going back in time, where I had my own space at the hospital; where I was getting all the help. I’ve been snapping on my wife & kids and having constant mood shifts, where everything is simply wrong in my head. It’s equally difficult for them to have me back home. Every step used to be so 3 dimensional when I wanted to walk down the stairs as my mind was playing the trip & then I would simply loose the balance. I’m finding great difficulty in adjusting with family as I’m not alone anymore. I feel like going back to hospital to isolate.

So listen to me
I can see myself in me
That big spot in my brain I see
My body is cut into two with that seam
It’s just not the bleeding I feel
It seems as if my body & mind have been
Big scars that are ready to peel
My inner self will one day going to heal

But this all isn’t come for free
It’s not been easy for fear & pain to relieve
To inject hope & will power to believe
To simply change the scenery of this scene
This is what I truly & deeply mean
The pictures in my head & heart that need to be seen
Are not perfect but they are very real & clean

The therapists have helped me to refill & relive
The shaky stairs when I looked down made my mind play tricks
The balance I lost when I walked or stood still
The white angel once entered to rescue me from those two evils
The sleepless nights & body pain that made me so ill

Now I’m back home after over 5 weeks of rehab
I’m glad to be with family but I still miss the time at rehab
It sounds somewhat selfish but it’s true, I don’t wish to hide that
Slow & steady is the trick, I’m taking the baby steps
Hoping one day body & mind would synchronize their sensational act
I would very much like to feel & see that
Rehab phase 2 is about to begin & I’m ready to beast that
Peace of mind & peaceful heart is what I need to reach there

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© 2019 Navin’s Poetry. All rights reserved.

First Phase

Soon it’s time for me to come home from the rehabilitation hospital. I’m still having difficulty in maintaining the balance & walking up / down the stairs. I’m quite nervous how it would be to come home. It’s still difficult to accept my new reality. All I know is that I need to take one day or perhaps, one moment at a time.

Soon my first phase of rehab is coming to an end
It’s full of steep ups & downs with so many bends
At times I was frustrated as if I were walking on the thin edge
Sometimes I had to walk on the thin line to maintain my balance
It feels amazing & weird at the same time when I sit in pin drop silence

I’m able to move my left arm & hand, it has become such a big thing
But it’s nerve wrecking to not have tactile sensation to sense & feel different things
Not able to stretch fingers & hold forms is quite frustrating
I’m still not able to understand my new reality, that I must embrace & accept as it is

I was mesmerized & frightened to see all those brain scans
The blood clot has formed the dark spot in my top frame
Sometimes my mind runs with top speed to sense where I am
Sometimes it makes me to think the unthinkable & what I can’t

Soon I’ll be going home to be with my family
Looking forward but nervous at the same time how my body & brain would react
Baby steps I need to take to ground myself & to reset
Telling myself, it’ll be alright, I need some time to regain my confidence
Coz I know well that sky is clear behind those clouds so dense

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© 2019 Navin’s Poetry. All rights reserved.

White Angel

This is a poem about a dream in which I was protected by a white angel who saved me from two dark energies. Her big eyes, beauty & aura was pure divine. She saved my life & I was absolutely in love with her. The feeling stayed in me after I woke up from this crazy & beautiful dream.

Once upon a time I was sleeping in my bed
The whole floor started to shake when two dark energies entered, it’s quite bad
They started pushing me out with power & their black magic spell
I was quite weak in my legs, so I couldn’t defend myself
But then I saw a white angel held me with her bare hands
She used her pure energy to throw the dark energies out of my deck
The floor stopped shaking after those evil energies were swept
The white angel sat beside me as she was completely drained
The power she used to save me was enormously grand
When I looked at the white angel, my eyes were at a constant gaze
The godly angel was wearing the delicate white dress
Her big eyes were simply radiant & her beauty was immaculate
This white angel with pure energy was the savior of my space
All I wanted to do was to close eyes & kiss her beautiful lips
I fell in love with her the very moment I met her being

NAVIN’S POEMS © 2019

My Rehab

The name of this poem is My Rehab. I’m in fear, panicking and quite anxious. Questioning myself if I ever would be close to normal. I know, my family need me but what if I can’t make it – this feeling is terrifying. I’m in great shock & in tears. I’m trying to come out of my pain body, my patterns & trying to accept my situation. I hear these voices, which are showing me the right path, making me to believe in me, having faith & trust. This voice is healing me. Everyone is sending me positive energy; they have been very kind to me. I had lost hope in rehab for a moment but I believe in it slowly.

Picture this
I’m lying down on my hospital bed
Having this fear & anxiety
Questioning me to search the answers
Would I ever be able to feel my left arm, hand & left side of face
Would my left arm feel like a rubbery dead load for the rest of my life
Would I ever be able to run, jump, fight & play with my kids
Would I ever be able to drive car, ride bike or simply walk without loosing balance
Would I ever be able to be there for my beautiful wife, kids – the family

Would I let them loose me
Would I ever be able to bear the responsibility on my shoulders
Would I fail me & the family by letting me down
Would I ever be able to work with same efficiency
Or would I simply loose my focus
Would I sit still as a handicap
Tears started drizzling down my face
I was out of words
I was in the state of shock
This picture became so real
Fear & panic took over my thoughts, it’s so clear

But then I heard this voice
Let it be, just let it be
Accept it, simply accept it
Open your heart & embrace it
Everything will be alright
Have faith & trust
Believe in yourself
Believe in your will power
Focus
Meditate
Heal the body, mind & soul

Family, friends & well wishers are putting so much efforts in me, every single day
Nurses, ergo – physio therapists are investing so much energy in me, every moment of my life
All have been so kind to me
Have never felt this kind of energy & vibe
Pure & sacred
Team effort
Thankful to each & every soul
It makes me to remain in focus towards my goal
The rehab
I have started believing in

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© 2019 Navin’s Poetry. All rights reserved.

Poem… Gratitude

I’ve received flowers from family & work, phone calls, video calls, so many text messages. It warms my heart when my family & I are going through this tough time. I can feel, I’m not alone. The therapists, nurses & whole staff has been there for me. This is poem is to express how thankful I am for this gesture. I’m at the hospital, paralyzed on the left side, hoping I’ll one day reconnect to my senses & will find the balance and body, mind & soul will become one again.

6 days back, I got the surprise from my wife
She placed the flower bouquet on the table by my side
It’s a card with wishes & warm thoughts from my dear family, department, colleagues & friends

Frequent visits, messages & phone – video calls are simply heartening
It’s just the most exquisite gesture
That you’re concerned & to put a thought of me
It always inspires me
And so nice to see
That you’re thinking of me
Touched & humbled from the bottom of my heart
That you have the hots for me
Gratitude & namaste for sending me the wishes & thoughts

I must free head
To see that
To sense it
To see self
To burn this
To sink ash
Atleast 21 days of rehab
I’ll be all new without I bleed that
To balance the psyche & body to prefab

This is what I’ve realized
That my new design is conceptualized
That my left arm & hand are paralyzed
That my self will be visualized
Soul & Mind can’t be standardized
Body & Soul are One, they can’t be vaporized
One without the other, is meditative, it’s quite mesmerized

So to put the numbers on the table
While I carry my numb left arm & hand
As I focus on this table
Balancing my legs & feet
As if it’s just slipping away from me
That slippery sand

Family, friends, work, & colleagues among others I’m gonna miss the most
My Beloved wife is always there for me & for our beautiful kids
Thankful to professionals as well
To always keep an eye on me

Needless to state in the end
That I’ll definitely be back
That’s what I intend
It’s the festivities of Christmas and New Year
So hang by the drink & dance on the sickening & crazy chilling beats
I’m sure you’re gonna miss me & my insane‐psycho beast
Till we meet again….

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© 2019 Navin’s Poetry. All rights reserved.

Bleeding Numbers

So now I understand why I felt the need to write Trip-Track a few days earlier. On 7th Nov at around 9:30 am I was rushed to the hospital. I didn’t understand what was going on. Those sirens & zig-zag tour in ambulance while I was writing sms to find out who’s gonna pick my kids up from school. My wife was supposed to come home same evening to be with us for the weekend but then she never went back. I was hit by brain haemorrhage on the right side. My left arm & hand is numb. Epileptic attack was the next to follow 3 days from bleeding. Amidst this chaos, I was trying to find the inner peace.

Loosing my grip & feeling numb is quite a rubbery feeling in my flesh
Speeding in ambulance at the speed of light as I loose my stance
Noisy sirens chasing the streets as if I’m becoming so discreet in those lanes
Bleeding inside of brain is so draining and is pure insane

CT & MR show the big spots & some huge round clot in my scans
Paralysis in left arm, hand & left side of face, simply can’t comprehend
Not able to lift my arm & fingers is quite noticeable challenge
Epileptic cramps on the left side of face & arm as they are about to harm my brain

But I’m not about to loose without giving myself a chance to withstand
I’ll wrestle back my arm to let loose the heavens, the storm if I can
I must find my inner peace & my inner calm to fallback at this space
Family, friends, & job matter the most – that’s the ultimate strength
I’ll fight back to finally come back from the horrors of the graves
This is my promise, I won’t rest – it’s dawn of fire, my roar, it’s the scream from my den

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© 2019 Navin’s Poetry. All rights reserved.