Imagine this scene
It happens on one evening
I’m around 7 years
I’m feeling happy at the airport
And I’m with my elder sister, younger brother,
Parents and my uncle
My younger brother looks so happy
He’s not even 18 months old
He’s bearing that sweet smile
He’s walking around
An unknown guy gave him a rupee bill
He thought too this kid was cute
The kid’s smile & walk was simply so charming
And those curls would just add more cuteness
This kid is walking at the airport
Holding that rupee bill in his hand
While my eyes are fixed at him
But then he returns back to us
Without that bill in his hands
Perhaps he had lost it
Perhaps he gave it to someone
But it’s immaterial
This day seemed the happiest day
It’s my first time at the airport with family
But then a sudden shift in this scene
The next moment
The uncle is walking away with this cute kid
My li’l brother
I’m standing & thinking
What’s happening at this moment?
Why is my bro leaving?
Where are they going?
They walked away from us
I don’t see my brother & uncle anymore
They have disappeared all of a sudden
After a while, there’s pure silence
After some time, I see a plane on the runway
From the big airport windows
It’s speeding up & is about to take off
The plane’s lights are flashing
And it’s roaring just like when it thunders
My eyes are fixed at this plane
The flashing lights & that crazy loud noise
I’m fascinated but also confused
I can’t see how my sister is feeling
I can’t see how my parents are reacting
I’m blinded by that moment
Speechless in shock
I feel like running after that plane
To get my brother
But after a few seconds
The plane disappears in the sky
With my brother
All I see are the flashing lights
All I can hear is the roaring sky
Everything changes after that moment
I am in deep shock
But then I don’t remember anything
I simply can’t recall
But my family told me
After several years
I was very sad
I was crying a lot
I was angry
I was in shock
I was asking questions to my parents
I had lost my brother
But no one would tell me
The real reason
As if my parents had promised not to
All I heard for years
Were different stories
For many years
I didn’t know the real reason
Infact for decades, I wasn’t aware
But when the real story was told
I couldn’t believe it
But then I could figure out more
Started putting the pieces together
Started going back in time
By replaying the scenes
In my head
Whatever I remembered
Why things were happening
When they happened
Just imagine to be that big brother
Who looses the younger one
And doesn’t know anything more
For several years
Why he was taken away?
Just the stories
Lies
Till this day
And I’m 46 now
I still hear the stories
But I know the truth
I’m not even sharing
How the rest of the family felt
For several years
How they still feel about it
Can you feel my story?
Could your parents do the same?
To make a sacrifice this big?
To bring their own family
To a state of shock
To traumatize their own lives
Till their last breath
I hope not
I’m a father
I can’t even imagine
In my wildest imaginations
To give away one of my kids
For the sake of helping
Another family member
I don’t have that kind of courage
I can’t do that kind of sacrifice
I will never
It’ll break me into pieces
That very instant
Imagine how that kid would feel
At that time
Do you have the courage & compassion
To give away your own child?
I hope not
I feel my parents pain & suffering
So strongly
After I’ve become a parent myself
They never forgot that scene
And how could they?
They gave away their own kid
To help plant the seed of happiness
In return of sorrow & trauma
When I was about to leave
My motherland
The first thing I heard
From my mother was
Now he has taken
Another son as well
It is not true though
It was my own decision
No one forced me
But it showed me so clearly
Her trauma & pain
It was not hate
It wasn’t anger
It brought her back
To the moment
When she had to
Give away her son
Several years back
She felt so intensely
That it’s happening
To her once again
She couldn’t speak
For over an year
From the time
I left my motherland
Not more than “yes” & “no”
Or simply nodding
She was numb
She was reliving her shock
I used to tell her
Whenever I talked to her
Whenever I visited her
It was my own decision
No one has taken me
Away from you
No one can
But her reactions were
“Ok”
Or a simple nod
That’s it
She was apparently
At another place
In her mind & heart
Daddy used to be quiet
He won’t say
Such things to me
He was protecting me
And his own wife
But I saw the sadness
In his eyes
It was painful
To see those eyes
They said more than
His real words
I can still see in my head
That runway on that evening
Where the plane is about to take off
While I’m running desperately after it
But the plane simply took off
I couldn’t stop it
It’s dissecting
The chest of the sky
Those intense beats
Those flashing lights
It still feels like
Someone is about to
Cut open my chest…the roaring sky
With a sharp knife…the plane
The fire…the flashing lights
Is it my trauma…my pain?
But don’t misunderstand me
I’m not sharing
To get any sympathy
Don’t feel sorry
I’m not here to hate anyone
I don’t wish to put the blame either
No, I don’t claim anything
I don’t believe in claims
What did I bring with me
In this Universe
That I need to claim?
It’s the other way around
It’s the Universe
Who brought me here
Universe is full of Love
Universe is Love
Love is Universe
But I need this
I need to share this story
To let it go
From every single particle
Of my body
This is my scream
This is my cry
To release the pain
To bring an end
To those stories
To those lies
So I can breathe freely
So I can find peace
So I can restructure my pieces
So I can free the souls
From sorrow & trauma
When they lived
In the form of human bodies
That’s all
Tag: Passion
No Grudge
No, I haven’t been holding a grudge, you see
And hate is not at all in me
I don’t hide or carry the guns with me
It’s not about some revenge or claiming anything
All I wanted you to feel that untold & painful scene
Where greens weighed more than respect, love & the family links
That wasn’t fair, no it wasn’t to your youngest sibling
So here I am once again to clear the air that we breathe
First, you need to understand just a very simple thing
It was never about the glitters or the greens that you think
Fading Bonds was tough but I know, I did the right thing
But I could hear from the start, you didn’t get my writing
Coz recently, I had to hear about the death, the dowry & the spending
But I don’t need to bend things to tell this
It sounded more like a self defense than to sense things
It seemed as if I should be thankful for all those deeds
That happened back then when I wasn’t born, no I wasn’t even an offspring
You see, if you step on some feet deliberately
It would make the heart to pain & bleed eventually
When that feet belonged to the same herd in reality
I saw back then the eyes, that were cold & the dance, it was shocking
I felt the every bit as if those bonds were actually mocking
It was there I sensed family was just a word with no deep meaning
That scene is imprinted in me & I can play every moment from that reel
But I’m trying to erase it from the memory, to not feel what I felt for real
My verses were purely about that punishment versus dignity
All I had a simple question to answer with honesty
Why to humiliate & punish the youngest one among those 6 siblings?
It was about her suffering when your love was somewhere hiding
That’s the main scene, that’s all I was depicting
It was about sensing things than to sending greens
But the focus was on how it was back then
Where I could smell some sort of guilty feeling
Let me tell you another thing while I’m here & writing
Even her biggest sacrifice was framed into deranged tale, that I’ve been hearing
How come no one could see this since decades, what has been happening?
Twists & turns on a straight lane, perhaps the minds are leaning
Let it fade now, let go the Lies, the fake story telling
Closing eyes don’t make things to disappear with a blink
And keeping silence for years doesn’t make a human weak
You see, life is love in different forms & feels
That is what we all are in our true real beings
Love is all one needs to live & breathe
And greens look beautiful in different form of leaves
So let’s live from the deep & be that human, that very being
Finding peace amidst storms is my way to define things
Being real for real, it’s the ultimate spiritual bliss
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© 2019 Navin’s Poetry. All rights reserved.
The Devil’s Face
The desire to rip off the devilish face
Pump the blood out of the bloody arteries & veins
Need to burn the body in intense fire & flames
Slice the remains in sharp pieces & small scales
Cut the bones with saw, the sharp rotating chain
Everything collapses, no screams & there’s no pain
Cook the flesh in thick blood till it’s tender & changes its shade
Finding the demons that reside in haunted & crumbled shed
Hiding behind the intense & provocative lens
Made of complex geometries with that improperly proper base
This scene looks so scary from your narrow & twisted lane
There’s a fine line between your sane & my insane
Feel the heat, I’m not here to dig your grave
The gory imagination is an art of this devil, the creative brain
Just show the true you, that’s living behind your face
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© 2019 Navin’s Poetry. All rights reserved.
Blinking Ph(r)ase
Staring at the blinking cursor on this dark page
Feel the need to sprinkle brilliant dark dust from my scarred phrase
Even in darkness, I can see the reflection of my manic face
But it’s my perception, coz this is just a frantic phase
I can already feel the intensity
Tomorrow is going to bring the sensitivity
Things are going to change dramatically
The gravity has started shifting enormously
Feeling scared in the scarcity of the sacred serenity
Situations
Correlations
Aggression
Restlessness
Elevation
Desperation
These aren’t some random words, you might not understand the half of it
But if you connect them all, you would see S.C.A.R.E.D.
It’s already so real for me but I’m not ready to loose & forfeit
The demon of anxiety is dancing on the blood surface & giving me fits
And I can’t see & sense the ground under my burning cold feet
Nerves are controlling me from time to time
That’s what you’ve been reading in some of my ryhmes
Thoughts have started knocking the door of my mind
Asking me questions imprinted on my wrecked slides
Will I make it all the way or break in the middle?
Will I bear it till the end or sweat blood as I progress?
Will I be able to absorb it all or panic & become anxious?
Will I sense every moment or loose in a second my breath?
So many questions are shooting in my head
But I can’t find the answers, not just yet
So I decide to take the small steps to feel safe
To see the impressions on my path that I walk with respect
But then I sense my real senses
That bring me out of the situations in my verses
That has been throwing curves, a few of them reversing
It’s the real life scene with zero rehearsals
The grounding resets everything in an instant
Shows me the place where I intend to stay & stand
It reconnects me to the peace, where I don’t suffocate
And brings my pieces back to the real & true state
Where my form is formless & perfectly inaccurate
Where my situations vanish just like the ghost from this page
Where scared state changes into sacred space
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© 2019 Navin’s Poetry. All rights reserved.
A Kiss from The Devil
Whisper kiss of yours
On my lips is crazy
You’re the devil
Sitting next to me
Covered in pure beauty
You’re so sharp & curvy
Curving the formless at me
Confronting the demons in me
Panic is summoned
Anxiety is entering
I’m now willing
To kiss your evil
To breathe you in me
Your eyes are burning
Your hunger is thirsty
Your teeth are feasting
My flesh is beasted
The blood is streaming
It’s all so dirty
My neck is tainted
The floor is painted
Your hold has tightened
But I’m not frightened
You are so enchanting
The impression of yours
Tattooed on my neck
Deep pain is agony
I want you desperately
To pain me tremendously
To draw your devil on me
With the red ink I bleed
Ecstasy is creeping
Enlightened by your devil
Tormented from head to toe
Fragmented is my peace
This picture is so lively
But if you can’t sense it
Then it’s insanely deadly
I’m loving every moment
A kiss from the devil
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© 2019 Navin’s Poetry. All rights reserved.
Sacred Connection
It’s a story of this unique kind
Naked spirit & so divine
Full of energy, a playful type
A real handful at certain times
Not afraid of jumping from the skies
The sensitive soul in fluctuations & noise
Is the purest blessing in innocent disguise
Love the passion in the beautiful big eyes
Expresses the joy & pain in hyper ways
A new colorful day begins
Under the shining blue stars
The intense fire is burning
In deep space with black holes & scars
Striding towards big world in smaller shoes so cute
Mesmerized by depictions of fiction as if it’s all so true
Irresistible
Sensible are the two words in mind
Let me be, just let me be, are the heartfelt screams
Or perhaps standing all alone, sounds like a scary dream
Visuals are heavier, on that delicate little screen
Emotions are throwing curves, heart is simply streaming
Start now to connect the first alphabet of every single line
Sacred connection you’ll discover, it’s just not a simple rhyme
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© 2019 Navin’s Poetry. All rights reserved.
My Poetry
If the things were only up to me
And my vault were stashed with greenery
I would exit the world of perfect geometry
To enter the universe with heart fueled poetry
I’m in love with scribbling the meaningful themes
It’s my way of expressing how I truly feel
The lyrics synchronize with frequency of my heartbeat
The percussion & vibration of the immaculate beast
Now let me stitch the pieces a bit differently
Just stay for a while, hear another thing from me
The words in my verses are no curse if you read explicitly
I don’t shoot at the painbody with explosive trajectory
I simply bring up the matters which have been hiding inside me
To share those stories with the same original intensity
That I felt back then as it was my reality
You see, this is my healing process & my therapy
I know it’s kinda provocative the way I project my themes
It’s not gloomy to throw light on the darker scenes
It doesn’t matter what you think of it & how you think of me
The darkness is, so light can be
My rhymes are self realization & experiences with deeper meaning
It’s my way to explore the core, the burning fire; the formless being
This is how I see the things now & it’s meant to be
You see, poetry is the flow in me & it’s the heart I breathe
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© 2019 Navin’s Poetry. All rights reserved.
The Shed
I was about to drop dead on my bed
But then I took a walk into my shed
That led to this fine old thread
I used back then to sew the cuts when I bled
I did slit open my fingers with the shaving blade
To self check, if my blood was thick & still very red
My path seemed so blurry in those photochromic spects
I had sleepless nights & then those crazy headaches
I felt as if I were sometimes spitting fire & some lead
I know you’re trying to paint the picture but you seem perplexed
You won’t understand what was going on in my 20s brain
There were times when I was completely drained
And on top, those frequent rides in the slow moving trains
Unsure what I wanted to do with so much stuff in my bag
Heavy burden on my shoulders & on those two skinny legs
But how would you ever catch up if you never lagged?
Coz there were times when my life was in jet lag phase
This is just not a phrase as I was really afraid
I would look in the mirror & ask who’s that unknown face
Now last thing I must tell you before I close this door with a bang
It’s OK if you judge me because I don’t give a damn
I know quite well, who I was back then & who I really am
Crazy drills & soul searching is one of my recipes to sustain
I am just a normal man, who’s vein gets sometimes jammed
Open your mind & heart and perhaps then you would understand
It’s not just me but everyone has that sort of shady shed
The only way to come out is to go deep inside your very own crazy shed
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© 2019 Navin’s Poetry. All rights reserved.
cRap
You know I can’t rap
But I want to make a wrap
And put it in a pinch of cRap
So it tastes different & kinda whack
Do you get what you’re about to snack?
No, I ain’t smoking no crack
I know this all sounds so bad
You’re thinking wtf I’m at
Isn’t your rap sound something like that?
Perhaps adding the glittery jewels would sort of help
But it’s all just in your head, if you think you look swell
Well, if you rap like that, you better jump in the deep well
Then you talk about the big wheels, you’ve been buying
Man, if that’s the level you’re selling, then I think I’ll soon be crying
Now let me tell you a fact, your rhythm is slowly dying
Oh, and before I wash away your cRap with my big hose
Let me remind you about the hoes in your videos
Dressed up in hardly no clothes
Dancing on your silly & auto-tuned tones
Oozing in the bubbly foam like some sassy clowns
I think it’s the froth from your mumbling mouth
Perhaps you should forever go underground
I’m just sitting on my couch & thinking about
Where’s the depth & why the hell am I listening to your sound?
I hear no bars & there aren’t no signs of lion claws
You are simply mumbling some lines & that too are full of silly flaws
You see, I don’t need to pause your slow & shallow track
Rewind & then playback, to understand what you just said
There aren’t no beats & there’s auto-repeat
You’re just beating your own track to a slow death
It is for sleeping heads
And you, for sure are brain dead
Where’s the depth & where’s its edge?
If you were to write your own track & rap
You might pee before you can even open the flap
But then on Friday I listened to this new delight
That’s some barKing dogs & was truly the homie sight
Those two did rap with the speed of light
You know they just killed your track like those buzzing flies
It’s time to send bye-bye & goodbyes to all you guys
Coz now I’m gonna sit back & enjoy the real hiphop with some coke & french fries
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Deep & Dark dip
Thinking of those thoughts that thwarted the sense
Started to look deep into those dark pages with my lens
Noticed the tiny creepers were crawling like snakes
Burning simply everything down in fiery flames
Spawning beautiful forms in fire in pure frenzy
Spinning around the unknown with high intensity
Spearing that dark shadow to red & crazy
Scribbling those words down in bold & apostrophe
Amidst these KOs of chaos & cry
That shadow movement brought me to the deeper joy
The beautiful moment of soul leaving body to fly
The pure heart connection under the darker sky
That dark page changed in a second its color
It’s full of expressions & some real spicy flavor
So now you see, the dark has its own shimmer
It’s the edge of the deep, it’ll cut the shallow into slivers
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© 2019 Navin’s Poetry. All rights reserved.