Fly Freely

It’s the first time, I’ve used a part of the excerpt of my last poem “Surrender”, as it resonates so much with my present.

It’s like knowing the perfect recipe to heal
But I keep struggling to cook it to perfection, is what I truly feel
It’s just not the same story on auto-repeat
Snapping from time to time on my loving family
When I loose my patience & forget how to evenly breathe
Everything explodes in that moment into pieces with just a simple breeze
The photo collage on my real & tainted screen
Keep changing constantly from the shallow to the deep
As if I’m digging my own grave on my ground to hide in eternity
It’s driving me to the drive-in of pure insanity
Making me to cry, roar & then scream crazily

The love from my caring friends & loving family
The knitted meetings with the neuro psychologist weekly
Those amazing physio & ergo therapies from professional therapists
The great understanding & patience from my work colleagues
This compelling effect is pulling me out of my hell & anxiety
Building the mental & physical strength to supersede the weaker me
It’s setting “the uptight me” to the flames firely
Let me be & let me breathe before I dive from the top to fly freely
Is the mantra that I need to say to my-I quite frequently
This is how I live this life these days from the heart that’s beating the beads
I’m simply learning to heal the daunting dots inside & on top of me

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© 2020 Navin’s Poetry. All rights reserved.

The Real Meal

How things can change from one moment to other, how mood swings can affect one another, when the eyes see a different form, a different picture. How the loud screams can’t be heard when the peace moves away, even further.

It’s like when I write my lines & describe a few things
I’m just grinding to tell how it feels when my mood swings
By crushing the stones into rough & fine powder that I mix
With liquid to make this soothing & so therapeutic paste
To heal the mental bleeding, wounds & physical pain

I tend to set my scope to fire my own head in flames
Take myself & my surroundings down with my anxiety & imbalance that I face
Nothing can be shielded this moment by thin layers over the sensitive surface
I come out suddenly from my dark, broken & isolated shed
People see me changing my form into this evil with eyes burning pure red

And then it seems as if I’m about to freak out the freak in me
A bloodthirsty sinner in those sparkling & scary scenes
Everything around me turn into ashes with my scorching heat
And it seems as if I feed my mind with my dear ones’ sufferings
I get deafened by the chains of my own crazy & loud screams

I can’t hear a word when they constantly beg me in fear to stop while they’re in tears
But no excuses, coz it’s explicitly me, who’s exhibiting the evil in me
I only wish to unchain myself in reality, to get freedom from me
So I end up wandering in search of the balanced recipe for my crazy craving
Manifesting inner peace is the definition of the real meal & by that, I mean real me

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© 2020 Navin’s Poetry. All rights reserved.

Freestyle Roar

When I can’t see the true divine, hiding behind the laser lines. I’ve found out that heavy epilepsy medicines can cause mood swings & anger in my mind, the feeling from time to time & it’s multiplying. Just like bleeding wasn’t enough to imply, crazy rhyme, roaring freestyle.

My sky is shifty & I’m about to freestyle on my floating cloud
Inhale this air & exhale my lungs out
Shatter windows to break open my crazy house
Stand on my reckless ground, than to be a part of the senseless crowd
I’m wearing the dark shades & ready to slit anything with my sword

I’m loosing my balance & my head is twisting spirals
The blood vessels in my brain is about to explode the red coloured diamonds
The demon in me is monstrous & spitting fire
I’m about to hit everything with my ice cold desire
Hide yourself instantly to avoid the consequences dire

This thick red flowing in my body is dark & savage
Don’t come near me if you can’t handle my burning rage
You better engage your senses, to avoid your name engraved
I feel stuck inside my wounded brain as if I’m doomed & caged
Everything seems shattered from here, not everything can’t be salvaged

You see, my skin ain’t so thick, so I won’t take it with ease
Just don’t try to pinch my surface, I’ll then play you like a twig
Stop clicking my clicks, if you don’t wish me to come after you with my fits
Stop throwing those bricks coz I’ll then break every single one into tiny pieces
It seems as if I’m feeling sick & crazy, but I’m simply trying to look for the inner peace

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© 2020 Navin’s Poetry. All rights reserved.

Your Eyes

How eyes can show the truth, even though one tries to hide the burning ocean, everything is crystal clear, if you look deeper into them.

I can see in your beautiful, big & deep eyes
How you’re feeling, your eyes can never lie
I can sense the restlessness in you & the whole is crying
The deep ocean is red-blue-green & is crazily sighing

Every teardrop is creating symmetrical ripples
Your ocean is sending waves to the heaven
The nature of your heavenly body is pure & heathen
Just like the universe in its own beautiful way is healing

You don’t need to say a single word, you must know
Your eyes are bleeding every word, they know every bit of you
The desire to dive deep to reach your bottom, before I hit the very shore
To catch my breath, to meet your divine & to see your beautiful core

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© 2020 Navin’s Poetry. All rights reserved.

The T-Tour

Inspired by WildHeart, a fellow blogger, I’m writing a tautogram poem – a different style with meaningful words to me, which I’m expressing differently, that I’m scribbling instantly.

Throttling the twisted thoughts
Trespassing the traumatic top
Trekking through the thirsty throat
Teardropping these teasing thorns
Tearing the toughened turf
Throwing the tainted timid throne

Thrusting through the tangible tangent
Trusting the tremendously tranced treasures
Thriving these timeless twinkling therapies
Treating the tactless tender trees
Thickening this to transcendental transparent thin
Thanking the true transpiring transformation thing

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© 2020 Navin’s Poetry. All rights reserved.

Crazy Me

It’s about how mind plays tricks sometimes, but do keep in mind, I’m not attacking any individual. So don’t mind what you read coz this is how I see the things from time to time. Things are exaggerated in my mind.

I’m here to tell you a crazy story
So stay tuned to hear something different & perhaps, a bit nasty
I promise though, it’s not gonna be ever lasting
The boiling water will disappear from my surface after vaporizing

Let me write the disclaimer very clearly
I’m neither telling it to attack someone nor to gain any sympathy
My body is burning & my vision is sort of blurry
It’s my way to cool down, this is my own therapy

I go by different names these days
It’s not a shock when I hear the name calling anyways
I admit, I could be all that upto a certain extent
I’m not here to explain the reasons, coz you won’t get them from where you stand

I’ve been called angry, an asshole, fucked up, impatient & lazy
Mr. Stress, short tempered, stubborn & unhappy are a few more to top this list
I could be even more if you only play to pinch my outer skin
To judge me from far far away, without knowing me deep within

I’ve heard that I hit, I hurt & I offend with my razor sharp words
I must be a devilish curse, that forge the course with my crooked force
That pokes the thin surface with trident till they bleed out their inner souls
That degrades in the end, Jesus blood into some cheap wine, that too is sort of corked

I misunderstand things repeatedly & a few people regret knowing me
I even put words in their mouth coz I’m so foul & freakin’ mean
Isn’t it always easier to play this game of pointing finger & blaming?
So I’m simply going to let this insanity pass through me

I’m typing the letters I-C by myself, you see
Translation – I feel Insanely-Crazy, not Icy
My brain is so heavy & my nerves are yet to connect with my body
So, I’m trying to change these beastie beats to the inner peace

I don’t wish anyone to be in my situation
But have a tiny understanding to understand my condition
It’s not easy to stand on either sides to find the balanced solution
At times, it could be confusing, that leads to frustrating dissolution

True, only I can make myself happy & no one can push my trigger but me
But then am I also responsible for others unhappiness & misery?
Where’s the balance now & where’s that teaching?
We can’t practice 24/7 everything, it’s the human nature of acting, reacting & living

I know, I must die several times to live from the deep
But stop accusing me for I don’t get things & so called missssunderstandings
Just don’t put everything on me to overlook the inner hurt & the inner bleeding
Take the responsibility & stand still on the inner grounding

Things could be white & things could be grey
But every single shade is pure in its own beautiful way
Coz none of these shady shades can ever be crazily fake
So don’t mistreat my soft corner in this cracked shell as my weakness, it won’t turn into some crispy flake

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© 2020 Navin’s Poetry. All rights reserved.

It’s Too Late

It’s about the thoughts that encircle me, which sometimes lead to difficulty in falling asleep. It’s a pure sharing, it’s not about suggesting what I must do to “fix” me.

My nights are always on the edge
It’s time for me to go to bed
But I would prefer to remain awake
Nights are haunting me, I’m a mess

I would rather listen to some nice music
Or jot down my own sick lyrics
Or read some blogs & write comments
Or read some mails & reply to them
Can you see where I’m going with all this?
Just read these lines if you wish to connect

I feel as if I’m sitting in my cave
Thoughts are crawling in me like those scary snakes
Spitting venom & biting my tasteless head
Dancing inside me with their hoods flare

I’m constantly doing this crazy check
Where I’m trying to balance my inner & outer self
But I can’t avoid those shocking waves
Where my crazy head starts to insanely shake
So I become anxious & a bit afraid
The restlessness makes me a bit desperate

I’m falling apart every night & day
Difficult to breathe, I simply can’t exhale
The emotions are running super fast, they are far ahead
I need help, is the voice I air

The desire to shout loud & then to scream
The desire to R.I.P. in this dark scene
The desire to feel my numb arm & face
Where I saw this phase with the blades of my phrase
Where I gather my pieces, to recreate my frame
I keep pressing my head from either ways

I feel helpless coz my longing curves to its extreme
The tears then start dripping down my left cheek
I need to rest my mind before it starts all over again
So I force myself to push the emergency brake

I put the earplugs on to listen to music
To hit the playlist, to find my tracks
To leave my thoughts aside, to make some empty space
I slowly drift away as that huge cloud with dark shade
I see the glimpse of stars & moon shining in this darkness
The healing begins & then I fall asleep

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© 2020 Navin’s Poetry. All rights reserved.

Beast of the Beats

It’s about how I’m trying to transform “my beast” to positivity by therapy & self-healing. But it’s not always so easy coz sometimes it’s easier to get stuck in the deep & dark hole. This poem is all about that.

The heart is always singing & playing some fluctuating beats
Get ready coz I’m about to kill these crazy & deafening melodies
The beast is looking at me constantly while it’s feasting on my blood & meat
It’s tearing me apart in pieces, while I’m bleeding ink rapidly

The holes in me are dark & many, if you look in my head very closely
This darkness is slippery & is about to stick just like the thick grease on my grid
It feels as if I’m about to leave, to find my hell or be one with the heavenly
But I’ll not try to find the God, coz that pure energy lives inside of me

I know the beast can’t reach the core, from where I breathe & live in totality
But I don’t know how to breathe, coz the anxiety is kicking restlessly
I’m affected & shaking quite often after checking my recent prints on the computer screen
This beast is like a thief, who keeps stealing my vitality

I’m trying to blow positivity in my whole by therapy & self healing
All I need is to love, live & care from the deep in reality
Feel free to play judge & jury, but I don’t care what you actually think of me
I’m simply playing these beats to transform beast & its norm, so it stops preying on me, calamity

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© 2020 Navin’s Poetry. All rights reserved.

Rocking Emotions

It’s my way of sharing some of my favourite rock songs, that are quite relatable to me. Blurry, broken, wrong, pain, red, numb, sacrifice, never too late are some of them – what can I say more, do I need to explain?

My vision has become so Blurry 

Coz I feel Broken inside

I’m one of those Heathens from the suicide squad

Who always ends up doing something Wrong

Even though I’m ready to offer the blood of My Sacrifice

The Pain I suffer in going through this all

When my right side of brain bleeds The Red

The left arm & hand become so Numb, I feel so sick

I still don’t know What I’ve Done

But I know somebody has stolen my heart just like that Car Radio

I just wish My Immortal will leave me alone one day 

I’m doing everything to Bring Me To Life

To relive the Sweet Child O’ Mine

Coz it’s Never Too Late

To feel Alive once again

References:

Blurry

Broken

Heathens

Wrong

My Sacrifice

Pain

The Red

Numb

What I’ve Done

Car Radio

My Immortal

Bring Me To Life

Sweet Child O’ Mine

Never Too Late

Alive

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© 2020 Navin’s Poetry. All rights reserved.

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Loosing It

I’m spitting fire these days – shocked, confused & angry thoughts. I got hit below the belt, from a person, I thought was a friend. So I’m expressing how I feel by talking to myself.

I can feel I’m about to loose it
I’m still shaking inside but I’m about to shake everything
The emotion in me I’m gonna screw it
I’m about to change from missing it to mess it
Don’t come near me covered in gasoline, I’m gonna burn it
I’m a ticking bomb, so I might fuse it

I can’t take it anymore, it’s so abusing
I feel so mental, it shouldn’t have ended like this
I don’t get a lot of things, it still amuses me
One thing is for sure, I’m lost coz it’s still so confusing
I got hit below the belt & I don’t deserve this
I’m totally at different level now, so don’t try to play with me

I never said or meant those things, coz it never came out of my mouth
It was only about this virus but it seems I’m that virus spreading in your body
It’s too late now, just don’t try to figure me out
Coz it’s me this time, who’s letting myself out
I’m already gone, I know I won’t be missed at all

The thoughts are speeding in my head with the bleeding images
I’m in the mood to do maximum damage
The ignition is on & I’m on the rampage
I’m moving on this crazy path of total & sickening rage
I’ll crush everything, which stands in my way
So start moving away from my track before it’s too late
I’m talking in my head with my own brain, it’s so deranged

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© 2020 Navin’s Poetry. All rights reserved.

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