Reliving

May 22, 2021May 23, 2021 Navin59 Comments

I’m reliving tonight the old story
New details but absolutely no flooring
My scene isn’t sharp coz it’s very blurry
Looking downstairs is difficult, it’s pretty scary
Struggling with balance, so I walk slowly
Small explosions in my head are kinda crazy
So I pack my things while I’m so thirsty
Coz I’ve called the number & I’m quite ready

My face is stiff like skintight denim
Ambulance is on it way, it’s soon comin’
Paramedics popping questions & I’m up summing
Suffocated behind mask but I’m still breathing
No energy in me, I just wanna slip in
Driving to hospital, ambulance is reaching the drive-in
Thoughts are running while I’m buckled & resting
Am I on my way to get a new bleeding?

2.5 day later I found out (after tests, scanning & examinations), there were no signs of new bleeding.

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Fly Freely

May 7, 2020August 29, 2020 Navin42 Comments

It’s the first time, I’ve used a part of the excerpt of my last poem “Surrender”, as it resonates so much with my present.

It’s like knowing the perfect recipe to heal
But I keep struggling to cook it to perfection, is what I truly feel
It’s just not the same story on auto-repeat
Snapping from time to time on my loving family
When I loose my patience & forget how to evenly breathe
Everything explodes in that moment into pieces with just a simple breeze
The photo collage on my real & tainted screen
Keep changing constantly from the shallow to the deep
As if I’m digging my own grave on my ground to hide in eternity
It’s driving me to the drive-in of pure insanity
Making me to cry, roar & then scream crazily

The love from my caring friends & loving family
The knitted meetings with the neuro psychologist weekly
Those amazing physio & ergo therapies from professional therapists
The great understanding & patience from my work colleagues
This compelling effect is pulling me out of my hell & anxiety
Building the mental & physical strength to supersede the weaker me
It’s setting “the uptight me” to the flames firely
Let me be & let me breathe before I dive from the top to fly freely
Is the mantra that I need to say to my-I quite frequently
This is how I live this life these days from the heart that’s beating the beads
I’m simply learning to heal the daunting dots inside & on top of me

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Many Frustrations & Manifestation

January 18, 2020August 29, 2020 Navin6 Comments

Brain hemorrhage has given me epilepsy as well, which results in taking heavy pills, which drains most of my energy. I’m feeling crazy & heavy in my head. Although I believe this has a deeper meaning. Therefore, I’m trying to look beyond the pain body. Writing poems is quite therapeutic & it’s bringing me back to my real track.

It’s like writing with my own hands my own crazy journal
Feeling as if the ink is becoming thicker & so infernal
Adding one extra sickness due to this sickening kernel
Loosing sometimes my mind, though the soul is eternal

Brain hemorrhage has been raised with epilepsy in this game of revelation
The medicine I take, is quite heavy in the current prescription
The feeling that I’m doped, isn’t some mindless imagination
My head is heavier with these crazy thoughts due to shear frustration

Shaken & shocked to the core after this new information
I didn’t realize till now, I could’ve been ashes, my true confession
I thought back then, all I needed was a few weeks of rehabilitation
This all is dragging me down to new levels of irritation

But I’m still dedicated to move in the true direction
Motivated to walk in my shoes & balance my imperfect feet to perfection
Ready to work harder to get back the grip & sensation
Steering wheels through this difficult bumpy ride to reach my stable station

It’s all about healing in real time without maximum acceleration
Perhaps this all has a deeper meaning, it’s beyond sense perception
It’s to heal the unhealed body & soul with therapies, mindfulness & meditation
A new chance to reignite my life, the beginning of my own manifestation

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