Song – Page 6 – Navin's Poetry

Flashing Lights

Imagine this scene
It happens on one evening
I’m around 7 years
I’m feeling happy at the airport
And I’m with my elder sister, younger brother,
Parents and my uncle
My younger brother looks so happy
He’s not even 18 months old
He’s bearing that sweet smile
He’s walking around
An unknown guy gave him a rupee bill
He thought too this kid was cute
The kid’s smile & walk was simply so charming
And those curls would just add more cuteness
This kid is walking at the airport
Holding that rupee bill in his hand
While my eyes are fixed at him
But then he returns back to us
Without that bill in his hands
Perhaps he had lost it
Perhaps he gave it to someone
But it’s immaterial
This day seemed the happiest day
It’s my first time at the airport with family

But then a sudden shift in this scene
The next moment
The uncle is walking away with this cute kid
My li’l brother
I’m standing & thinking
What’s happening at this moment?
Why is my bro leaving?
Where are they going?
They walked away from us
I don’t see my brother & uncle anymore
They have disappeared all of a sudden
After a while, there’s pure silence
After some time, I see a plane on the runway
From the big airport windows
It’s speeding up & is about to take off
The plane’s lights are flashing
And it’s roaring just like when it thunders
My eyes are fixed at this plane
The flashing lights & that crazy loud noise
I’m fascinated but also confused
I can’t see how my sister is feeling
I can’t see how my parents are reacting
I’m blinded by that moment
Speechless in shock
I feel like running after that plane
To get my brother
But after a few seconds
The plane disappears in the sky
With my brother
All I see are the flashing lights
All I can hear is the roaring sky

Everything changes after that moment
I am in deep shock
But then I don’t remember anything
I simply can’t recall
But my family told me
After several years
I was very sad
I was crying a lot
I was angry
I was in shock
I was asking questions to my parents
I had lost my brother
But no one would tell me
The real reason
As if my parents had promised not to
All I heard for years
Were different stories
For many years
I didn’t know the real reason
Infact for decades, I wasn’t aware
But when the real story was told
I couldn’t believe it
But then I could figure out more
Started putting the pieces together
Started going back in time
By replaying the scenes
In my head
Whatever I remembered
Why things were happening
When they happened

Just imagine to be that big brother
Who looses the younger one
And doesn’t know anything more
For several years
Why he was taken away?
Just the stories
Lies
Till this day
And I’m 46 now
I still hear the stories
But I know the truth
I’m not even sharing
How the rest of the family felt
For several years
How they still feel about it

Can you feel my story?
Could your parents do the same?
To make a sacrifice this big?
To bring their own family
To a state of shock
To traumatize their own lives
Till their last breath
I hope not

I’m a father
I can’t even imagine
In my wildest imaginations
To give away one of my kids
For the sake of helping
Another family member
I don’t have that kind of courage
I can’t do that kind of sacrifice
I will never
It’ll break me into pieces
That very instant
Imagine how that kid would feel
At that time
Do you have the courage & compassion
To give away your own child?
I hope not

I feel my parents pain & suffering
So strongly
After I’ve become a parent myself
They never forgot that scene
And how could they?
They gave away their own kid
To help plant the seed of happiness
In return of sorrow & trauma

When I was about to leave
My motherland
The first thing I heard
From my mother was
Now he has taken
Another son as well
It is not true though
It was my own decision
No one forced me
But it showed me so clearly
Her trauma & pain
It was not hate
It wasn’t anger
It brought her back
To the moment
When she had to
Give away her son
Several years back
She felt so intensely
That it’s happening
To her once again
She couldn’t speak
For over an year
From the time
I left my motherland
Not more than “yes” & “no”
Or simply nodding
She was numb
She was reliving her shock

I used to tell her
Whenever I talked to her
Whenever I visited her
It was my own decision
No one has taken me
Away from you
No one can
But her reactions were
“Ok”
Or a simple nod
That’s it
She was apparently
At another place
In her mind & heart
Daddy used to be quiet
He won’t say
Such things to me
He was protecting me
And his own wife
But I saw the sadness
In his eyes
It was painful
To see those eyes
They said more than
His real words

I can still see in my head
That runway on that evening
Where the plane is about to take off
While I’m running desperately after it
But the plane simply took off
I couldn’t stop it
It’s dissecting
The chest of the sky
Those intense beats
Those flashing lights
It still feels like
Someone is about to
Cut open my chest…the roaring sky
With a sharp knife…the plane
The fire…the flashing lights
Is it my trauma…my pain?

But don’t misunderstand me
I’m not sharing
To get any sympathy
Don’t feel sorry
I’m not here to hate anyone
I don’t wish to put the blame either
No, I don’t claim anything
I don’t believe in claims
What did I bring with me
In this Universe
That I need to claim?
It’s the other way around
It’s the Universe
Who brought me here
Universe is full of Love
Universe is Love
Love is Universe

But I need this
I need to share this story
To let it go
From every single particle
Of my body
This is my scream
This is my cry
To release the pain
To bring an end
To those stories
To those lies
So I can breathe freely
So I can find peace
So I can restructure my pieces
So I can free the souls
From sorrow & trauma
When they lived
In the form of human bodies
That’s all

NAVIN’S POEMS © 2019

The Devil’s Face

Original poetry

The desire to rip off the devilish face

Pump the blood out of the bloody arteries & veins

Need to burn the body in intense fire & flames

Slice the remains in sharp pieces & small scales

Cut the bones with saw, the sharp rotating chain

Everything collapses, no screams & there’s no pain

Cook the flesh in thick blood till it’s tender & changes its shade

Finding the demons that reside in haunted & crumbled shed

Hiding behind the intense & provocative lens

Made of complex geometries with that improperly proper base

This scene looks so scary from your narrow & twisted lane

There’s a fine line between your sane & my insane

Feel the heat, I’m not here to dig your grave

The gory imagination is an art of this devil, the creative brain

Just show the true you, that’s living behind your face

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My Beloved

Original poetry

I can never forget that face when you were on those crazy strong meds
It was one of the toughest phases of our lives, I can easily state
Your eyes were mostly closed, you were sickly weak & on bed rest
Words were hard for you to speak & write, you became so frustrated & depressed
Helpless you felt deep down, so hesitant in asking for some help
That look of yours back then & I would feel those sharp knives in my chest

I would sleep on the floor, just next to you
It wasn’t easy though when I could see suffering & pain in you
The first time when I heard the rush, the beeping sounds & the panic in the night, was past ten
Someone in the same ward had taken the very last breath
Can’t forget lots of crying, screaming & total silence in the end
It was so sad to know that someone had died, it was game over, the end
But then the rush, the beeps & the panic became the regulars in every way
I would hear all that over & over every other day
And then I started feeling heavy & insane in my head
It seemed as if someone was playing the same CD with deadly & mourning track
Anxiety started creeping in my head & panic was the next
I would close my eyes & ears, to avoid that moment by playing blind & deaf
To simply block my body & mind from that crazy scene of death
I wanted to scream out of my lungs & run out of my own head
Before panic could knock again on my very shaky deck

I can never forget that one night when I didn’t understand
What you were trying to say & what you were pointing at
It seemed you had pain in your stomach, you were awake even it’s too late
I went twice to the docs that night & asked for some help
They were so incompetent, sleepy & careless, they didn’t do a damn
Told me it seems a common issue of stomach ache & gas
They said, take it easy & sleep through the night full of pain
Told me things would be alright next day, but that wasn’t the case
You were still trying to tell me that you weren’t feeling well
I told you to take God’s name & try to take some rest
I was simply repeating like a parrot what docs had just said

The next morning you weren’t moving at all & I got very afraid
Everything came to stand still & it wasn’t just you, who had lost the breath
I called the docs in a blink for help & they reacted that very instant
I was standing in deep shock & was holding every inch of myself
After rush & sweat they said, the situation was kinda okay
It was U-retention & life in you was back on track again
That moment my eyes were full of tears, I was still in deep shock & scared
Thankful to God; but to me, I was furiously mad & full of hate
Was asking the family constantly, how I could do such a huge mistake
Why didn’t I understand the body language of my beloved dad?
How could I be so naive that I believed the docs blindly, when my dad was expressing in his own way?
He could’ve transformed from sick dad to a dead body on that sick bed of death
The family said it wasn’t my mistake but they did understand why I felt like that
I even complained to the main doc about those 2, but I never heard anything after that
To this day it’s embedded in me, how you felt back then & it still makes me so sad

Daddy did come home after some days & the whole family was very glad
But I knew that it’s all a matter of mere time in fact
His eyes weren’t glowing & he had lost his inner strength
Sadly after some time, he returned back to another bed of intensive care
This time I chose not to pass by coz I knew a thing very well
I wasn’t ready to see my dad in the same scene of crazy pain under the roof of panic & death
One day my phone rang with the news I already had sensed
It’s the day when daddy’s soul had left the body to leave the family & that sick bed
I flew back to see you my dad, to be with the family & to perform the rituals while you lay cold & dead
To take you to the last journey, where your sacred body was about to be formless & one with the four elements

It was heart breaking but spiritual to give your body fire with hands of my own
The day after we had to collect the burning hot ashes & remaining of your bones
It was there I realized daddy, that your body was actually forever gone
That truth was quite painful & brought sorrow, is not a mystery
But I was happy, that you were finally free from your miseries
The memories of you I cherish, you were the Leo, the loving & strong foundation of our beautiful nest
I love you & miss you, my caring – dearest father, you were the best
This is my way of releasing the suppressed pain in this heart space

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A Kiss from The Devil

Original poetry

Whisper kiss of yours
On my lips is crazy
You’re the devil
Sitting next to me
Covered in pure beauty
You’re so sharp & curvy
Curving the formless at me
Confronting the demons in me

Panic is summoned
Anxiety is entering
I’m now willing
To kiss your evil
To breathe you in me
Your eyes are burning
Your hunger is thirsty
Your teeth are feasting

My flesh is beasted
The blood is streaming
It’s all so dirty
My neck is tainted
The floor is painted
Your hold has tightened
But I’m not frightened
You are so enchanting

The impression of yours
Tattooed on my neck
Deep pain is agony
I want you desperately
To pain me tremendously
To draw your devil on me
With the red ink I bleed
Ecstasy is creeping

Enlightened by your devil
Tormented from head to toe
Fragmented is my peace
This picture is so lively
But if you can’t sense it
Then it’s insanely deadly
I’m loving every moment
A kiss from the devil

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My Poetry

Original poetry

If the things were only up to me
And my vault were stashed with greenery
I would exit the world of perfect geometry
To enter the universe with heart fueled poetry

I’m in love with scribbling the meaningful themes
It’s my way of expressing how I truly feel
The lyrics synchronize with frequency of my heartbeat
The percussion & vibration of the immaculate beast

Now let me stitch the pieces a bit differently
Just stay for a while, hear another thing from me
The words in my verses are no curse if you read explicitly
I don’t shoot at the painbody with explosive trajectory

I simply bring up the matters which have been hiding inside me
To share those stories with the same original intensity
That I felt back then as it was my reality
You see, this is my healing process & my therapy

I know it’s kinda provocative the way I project my themes
It’s not gloomy to throw light on the darker scenes
It doesn’t matter what you think of it & how you think of me
The darkness is, so light can be

My rhymes are self realization & experiences with deeper meaning
It’s my way to explore the core, the burning fire; the formless being
This is how I see the things now & it’s meant to be
You see, poetry is the flow in me & it’s the heart I breathe

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The Burning Song

Original poetry

Read it as if you rap

It’s all getting pretty crazy

It started making me dizzy

I keep hearing every then & now

I did something bad & very wrong

Even though we agreed upon

That I’ll be cool & calm

But I failed to follow

I was supposed to swallow

Irritation & frustration

Dissertation on relation

Confrontation & aggression

Patterns taking over

I’m losing the ground

OMG

Seems I’ve gone crazy

So now here I’m again

To take the blame

And a pinchful of shame

Facing the consequences

Of the sequences of mishaps

Perhaps I am the only one

Who’s all over the place

But I simply can’t stand

In one by one space

It seems I’m that crowd

Suffocated & passing out

I hear you loud & clear

You tell me I’m getting there

Where I don’t really care

Don’t even give a damn

But you don’t understand

I can’t always be tamed

Look first in the mirror

Before you even quiver

Now it’s burning high

There’s hue & cry

Emotions of rage & fear

You’re getting ready to disappear

You see me now so tall

It seems I’m changing my form

I’m this scary dragon size

Spitting fire & murder eyes

Just want you to hear me out

So I scream at you pretty loud

But the shield you’ve put on

No, you can’t hear me at all

In your eyes I’m this bloody form

But in reality I’m simply torn

You’ve been trying to tell me

I am the only one freezing

I need desperate upgrading

Coz I’m that psychopath

Losing the only true path

The person you want me to be

The new version of me

My new design won’t be mean

I might come out pretty clean

Would take the toughest hit

And some other sorts of shit

But it can’t be just me

It is the way you see

Feel the things going with me

Don’t shut the doors so rapidly

Now try to hear me out

Gonna speak a bit loud

Enough of dissing

Saying dis-dat & hissing

I might be completely wrong

But who’s always spot on

So let’s start this all over

Let’s not use no cover

You & I are this loving pair

Sometimes covered in many layers

Perhaps marinated in deep pain

But it’s just a superficial coat

We aren’t no shadow ghosts

There’s always the darker side

But look at the beautiful sight

The intense radiant light

The blue & clear sky

If I’m the one with fire

Be the water on me

If you’re that very storm

I’ll come to you with peace

Let’s be naked & true

Remove the layers & the glue

But one thing is crystal clear

If I’m this heart

Then you’ll always be the beat

So let’s start all over my dear

Coz I’m you

And you’re me

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NAVIN’S POEMS © 2019

NAVIN’S POEMS © 2019

Navin’s poems © 2018