A Poem: Unstable Thoughts

I’m feeling very unstable & frustrated with constant mood shifts. I’m unable to deal with anything. Attacks of anger, panic, anxiety, which lead to constant snapping. But I do know deep down it’s a phase, though it’s not easy to deal with my angry face.

So hear me out
What I’m about to jot
Aren’t just my random thoughts
This is what I experience coz
I’m sometimes simply so stressed out

It’s not so simple to deal
When I change myself into the beast
Who’s feasting on other’s meat
The blood on the floor that I spill
But then I wipe the floors out to crystal clear
To hide the pain & suffering to unreal

Whenever I open my big mouth
And say a few things a bit loud
The misunderstandings I then create without a doubt
Coz I loose my mind so fast & then I freak out
No patience in me, so I can’t breathe the air out
So I spit fire on others to burn myself down

The desire to kick something to take my frustration out
I loose then my reins to control & then I explode with that deep sound
To burn everything into ashes with my fiery spark
And cover the clear sky with the thick fog

I know this isn’t my real face, it’ll be phased out
It’s been real tough times, so I’m simply stressed out
This all is sitting in me deep, so I want to isolate from this thick crowd
But I’ll be back & find the balance with time on my unstable ground

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© 2020 Navin’s Poetry. All rights reserved.

Healing Soul

I’m snapping on my family quite often. So many misunderstandings, my ego is coming in my way – thinking of myself only. I’ve started isolating myself more often, when in reality it wasn’t about giving space. My wife wanted me to be there for her & for the family, which I didn’t understand as I was so much soaked in my own self.

Thoughts were racing in my head
Surrounded by misunderstandings coz I was so afraid
The pain looked like that cool piercing in my brow
Snapping on near & dear ones with that insane flow
Loosing my head as if I were about to sink & permanently drown
Blinded by ego & emotions as if I were that king wearing the diamond crown

I thought I was giving space, so people could cope up with their issues
But I was crushing them into pieces, to make place for my deep tissues
How could I be so self-centered by being eccentric?
How could I be so cool & calm by being frantic?
At times my top shelf was crumbling to cheap dust
My demons were shutting me down with deep cuts
I was trying to run away from myself on a paper-thin crust

I was living half alive, blinded by this all
But now, I’m listening to your enchanting melodies, the sweet songs
I’m learning to rise to my feet when I fail & fall
You’re healing me spiritually, you’re healing the sores
I’m spreading my wings slowly to raise my spirits to soar
You live in me, you live in my core
I’m so close to you coz you’re my soul

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© 2020 Navin’s Poetry. All rights reserved.

That Man

I snapped like crazy on my kids & wife. No one could reach me as I turned in this fire-spitting devil. My family got scared of me & kids were crying. Later the same evening, when I came to my senses, I was crying, feeling anxious & was breathing heavily while I was asking myself, what the hell on this earth I was thinking & doing. If I act & react like this, I would traumatize my own family because of my deeds & patterns. That night was terrible for the whole family.

He’s an average man with his own imbalances
He feels like that freelancer with a lance tipped with steel in his hand
Who pokes others’ feelings unintentionally so they bleed coz he’s somewhat scared
The explosions of balloons with sudden release of the air

Sometimes he realizes too late, then he gets kinda stressed & very upset
He then wishes to set himself on fire to feel their pain
To leave his own head, to see himself burning in those crazy flames
To let go of his soul in the deeper & dark space

Sometimes a single moment can trigger a shot in his head
That everything becomes meaningless & then he becomes so sad
Breathing heavily while anxiety is reaching at his door steps
Feeling helpless, so he locks his head with heavy chains to feel safe

He’s trying to find his real ground to come out of the underground hell
He’s not trying to be perfect coz he knows that he can’t
But he’s trying to do everything to be a better man
He doesn’t believes in hiding, so he reveals that I’m that man

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© 2020 Navin’s Poetry. All rights reserved.

The Devil’s Face

It’s my poem of horrors if you simply read the words. But if you dig deeper, it’s not about the blood bath. It’s about showing the real face, which we tend to hide to give the fake appearance of looking happy & great. To me, it’s not a scary poem, it’s a sacred one – a different art form.

The desire to rip off the devilish face

Pump the blood out of the bloody arteries & veins

Need to burn the body in intense fire & flames

Slice the remains in sharp pieces & small scales

Cut the bones with saw, the sharp rotating chain

Everything collapses, no screams & there’s no pain

Cook the flesh in thick blood till it’s tender & changes its shade

Finding the demons that reside in haunted & crumbled shed

Hiding behind the intense & provocative lens

Made of complex geometries with that improperly proper base

This scene looks so scary from your narrow & twisted lane

There’s a fine line between your sane & my insane

Feel the heat, I’m not here to dig your grave

The gory imagination is an art of this devil, the creative brain

Just show the true you, that’s living behind your face

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© 2019 Navin’s Poetry. All rights reserved.

Questioning

I’m questioning myself, why I have all these different feelings – loneliness, sadness, panic, suffocation. I think, I’m going through a phase, where it feels like I’m writing every single word with my dark blood. I’m crying inside while I’m rhyming.

Is everything changing?

Tweaking

Is the mind chattering?

Freaking

Is the body shattering?

Exploding

Is the rhyme flowing?

Phrasing

Is the rhythm beating?

Creeping

Is the ink bleeding?

Deadly

Is the color red beets?

Dead beats

Is that beast feasting?

The Red Feast

Is the heartbeat racing?

Panicking

Is the air slowly fading?

Fainting

Is the screen getting blurry?

Sweating

Am I simply afraid?

Suffocating

Has the time stopped moving?

Lonely

Have I started reaching places?

Phases

Am I going crazy?

Frenzy

Do you get what’s happening?

Suffering

Can you sense the feeling?

Burning

Are you here to catch me?

Destiny

Are you one of those preachers?

Creatures

Do you come from the shadows?

Light

Is this all a part of me?

Questioning

 

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© 2019 Navin’s Poetry. All rights reserved.

My Barrel

My poems are my expressions. I write very seldom fantasy poems. This poem is a result of the things that were constantly running in my head related to the poems that I had written previously. Lies, Family Bonds, Darkness – the intense light & that dream about My Dearest Mom. None of those poems were about taking revenge. But it’s important for me to address the unspoken & hidden matters. I feel things can only be dissolved if you first give them attention. Else they will keep burning the inside. So there was no other way than to let go by letting it out.

Explosions & explosives 
Forget & forgive them
Put an end & archive it”…
… Is what I hear when I said it
Simply don’t IM me coz here I M standing

So you think I’m looking daggers?
Would boil everything til it vapours 
Then you didn’t get it right 
It was never about the fight 

If I did not fire it out
It would’ve burnt me inside out 
Now don’t even try to get me wrong 
I didn’t fire to burn them down

But if you want me to pretend
Everything is simply perfect ten
Then let’s live the fake lives
Live the lie & put on the smiles

So should I now start to think?
Before the paper gets my ink 
But then it won’t be the same
I don’t believe in prefab frame

If I can’t see myself in my eyes
What’s the point of sun & sky?
That stone in the ocean is an average five
But it still lives its purest life

Why to live the life from the shallow?
When the bones are full of marrow
You see, life is everything but narrow 
Here I am spreading the ink from my barrel

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© 2019 Navin’s Poetry. All rights reserved.

Fading bonds

This poem is pure fire unraveling the burning emotions that have been suppressed in me for so many years. I know this poem will create a lot of friction; I might be blacklisted as I’m bringing up the “hush-hush” matter to the surface. I don’t believe in playing fake games & I don’t believe in fake relations. I do believe in karma and no one can run away from it. The words are simply flowing in me just like the blood stream. I’m not driven by rage but it’s about putting the matter out in space.

It’s time to unfold the untold story
Everything appears so green from your storey
If you dare come down from the cloud fake glory
You would see the red drops cover ground gory

Now get ready to smell some indecent scent I prepared
It would shake you to show the things you did back then
You were that big bro who weren’t really ever present
All you cared was percent & some extra cents
Did you ever care of the li’l one that love (God) sent?
It didn’t matter how far & how you lived back then
If you could simply unfold your arm & extend
But you would never feel her sorrow & the pain she felt
So here I stand & spread the ink to paint this picture
Sensing it’ll one day make a deep & permanent imprint in you

You & I belong to the same old family
But could you first explain this term we call family?
Where the bills mattered more than the family bonds 
You didn’t even hesitate taking your siblings’ funds
As if your own big plate wasn’t full enough 
All you cared was to stuff the greens under the rug
I can still see that picture where you played that thug
“Feed the greed” was indeed what you did
But no complaint ever, her lips were always sealed
And then you say blood relations matter the most, huh?

You see, family is simply a useless tag
If you demote the love & emote, then what is left? 
But one day you would realize, you did make some bad choices
When karma would hit you & won’t make no noise
“What you sow is what you reap” can’t be denied
You still have some time to make it right 
But oh no, it’s too late coz your li’l sis ain’t alive

And before I go, hear this one last thing
If you did not live & if you did not mean
Then why the stories & why you pretend?
Live from your heart & love from there
This is the beginning of the very end

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© 2018 Navin’s Poetry. All rights reserved.

Lies

This poem uncovers the lies that I’ve been told all my life. Sometimes people live in self-denial & want to believe & live the lie. My folk’s biggest sacrifice was twisted to the biggest lie, to come up as the saviour; Godly like. The pain, the suffering, the tears, the trauma was overlooked in the name of lies.

Lies….
I don’t hear anything but the lies
So many years have now passed by
Even though the time seems to fly
All I hear are the stories of earth & sky
They are covered up in nothing but the lies
Two persons’ biggest ever sacrifice
Twisted by you all into the greatest lie

They were in deep pain & sorrow
Trauma was residing in their marrow
Til their last moments they swallowed
They hid the reality to avoid the quarrel
To simply protect you both
It seems they took some kind of oath

But what did they get in the end?
Those who are still alive didn’t comprehend
The how, the what & the why
How could they even withstand?
To give the cute one far far away
But all they wanted was to help you pave
The life you both had dreamt
What’s the need to disrespect the dead?
You weren’t the savior back then which you pretend

This all became so powerful in my soul
All I wanted to do was to stop you & roar
When I saw how you delivered that lie
You didn’t even blink for a second your eye
In a moment you were that king
Who helped the poor souls with that thing
I wanted to cry & scream
You a sly
Why do you still deny?
Just stop telling anymore this lie
All you wanted to look good in everyone’s eyes
But can you even look deeper into your own eyes?
When your high was based on this pure lie

You see this ain’t a game of hide & seek
I feel I’m about to explode & get quite sick
All I want you now is to stop telling this lie
You are also hurting the ones who are still alive
You know that I love you
I always have
But I don’t understand
Why you cover your face & spit the lie?
I hope you would care for those who are now dead
The cute one must also know the real tale
Be the man & break open the shallow shell
So come out of your ego before you drop dead

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© 2018 Navin’s Poetry. All rights reserved.

Inside of Me

It’s my birthday, so a poem dedicated to myself and by that, I mean my anger, the highs, the lows, the mood shifts, anxiety, breathing issues, fluctuating heart rate, pain, weakness and more. I am still able to find calmness inside of me.

The different moods and reactions

The highs and lows of my creation

The tension and many explosions

I see the impression inside of me

Signs of anger and anxiety

Fluctuations in the heart beat

This is the brand new reality

I hear the squeak inside of me

Cutting out the ulcers and cancer

Shredding away pain and mysery

Stiching the pieces together

I think this is happening inside of me

Using no more any filters

Life is on with no layers

Putting out the unsettling flare

I feel the changes inside of me

Finding calmness in the deep

Feeling stronger while I am weak

Sensing every cell as I breathe

I embrace the new birth inside of me

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© 2018 Navin’s Poetry. All rights reserved.