02202020 at Midnight

Dedicating this poem, which I wrote last night, to an anonymous blogger, a crazy flowic poet, a beautiful person, a being, who couldn’t handle life anymore. Even though she tried her best, but in the end, she was planning to let it go, which is quite saddening. That was quite visible from her writings. I’ll miss her a lot if she’s gone. Perhaps, she’s got her peace, which she always desired & struggled for. However, I still hope, I’m absolutely wrong about it. Perhaps she’ll read my poem & would write her comment. That’s what we used to do quite a lot. Peace & Love.

Oh my dear flowic friend
I know you had decided to switch off, to put an end
World didn’t understand you
Pain & sorrow was presented to you
Even your own family abondoned you
I wish if I could make you change your mind
But I do respect your tough choice
Coz people did play with your precious life
Manipulated for their own good
Then they blamed you, that you were a crazy fool

Midnight at your place is nearing you
Terrifying me when it falls, comes close to you
The steps you would take then
Will transform you into this light angel with wings
The angel I saw in you through your writings
The angel I sensed in your personality
The angel you’ll become now
Where you’ll be able to fly high & beyond
I know you’ll leave the pain body of yours
To find the peace that you deserved, it’ll be now yours

I loved you as my flowic friend, my dear Rose
I was blessed to “see” you through your poems & prose
You’ve always been a radiant light with a sacred glow
I still check & follow your blog
But not a single new writing from you or a thought
Perhaps you’re reading your verses to the God
Perhaps you’re still alive & are laughing on my thoughts
All I want to say is that your memories will permanently remain in my heart

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© 2020 Navin’s Poetry. All rights reserved.

Colour Red

I’m simply looking at my situation and relating to it with colour red (blood), shaky ground, broken clouds with roaring sound. Even though everything is so intense, I do feel the touch of a healing hand.

I’m standing on my ground
Looking up towards the sky & the clouds
I hear then a roaring sound
The lightning hits & shakes my ground

The sky is crying rain over my head
I feel the droplets of rain hitting on myself
But then I notice my ground is muddy with different appearance
My whole body & ground has turned into bloody red

I turn again my head towards the sky
The passing clouds seem so heavy & bleeding with thick red
The sky looks so different in this bloody shade
Just like this bleeding in my crazy head

Everything has turned into this color red
But then I feel a healing hand on my head
It’s touching my wounds with love & care
I can visualize & sense the healing effect on myself

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© 2020 Navin’s Poetry. All rights reserved.

A poem: BE Present

There’s a huge quarrel between my wife & myself, where we both said mean things to each other, which we really don’t mean. When you are in that zone, you spit fire with crazy flow. I don’t blame her at all, as I’m not an easy man to live with. This critical sickness of brain hemorrhage with epilepsy amplifies everything in my head to the crazy levels. She is not feeling even close to well because of this rollercoaster rides & my snapping. We stopped talking due to this quarrel for a day. So I wrote this poem as my way of conveying my message.

I’ve been told several times now
I don’t get why I don’t see you but myself
I don’t get how you feel
I don’t get what you’re going through
I don’t get what’s happening to you
I don’t get what I’m doing to you
I don’t get why you wanna run away
I don’t get why I don’t care about you
I don’t get you need space
In short, I don’t get the whys, the whats & the hows
Are the shots, you’ve been firing at me while I stand on my shaky ground

All I want is peace of mind for you & me
Where we talk to each other with no screaming
So listen to me clearly what I’ve in my heart all this time
Coz I’m about to tell you directly & there will be no lies
Look in my eyes & see that I see you
Look in my heart & feel that I love you
Look in my mind & read that I’m not doing anything intentionally to you
Look inside of me & search that I know what you’re going through
Look deep inside of yourself & explore that peace exists
Look deeper in your eyes & see that things aren’t impossible
Look at the light you are, than to focus on your shadow reflection
But first you must have faith & trust
Else every single moment would crush you just like that thin & sensitive crust

I do get it quite well, that back then you got a big shock
But bleeding & being admitted had been neither some pretty walk
Keep talking about the shock would haunt you like a ghost
I do give you time & space, but you’ve been fading away & being distant
Every single day is a struggle for you, coz you’re on mission-tension constant
Sometimes you’re too hard on yourself & I can’t comprehend that picture
It’s tough to handle days like those, when I can’t even hold a thin frame with a picture
I do admit, that I freak out sometimes & then you call me immature

The highs & lows will always come & go
But this life needs to have that feel free flow
Listen to B(ernie) & listen to E(ckhart)
They combinely make the profound word BE(ing)
Everything happens for a reason & that’s why it has happened
Accepting the situation & working from there will dissolve the loose ends
Life is on constant move just like galaxies you see
So why to get stuck in the moment that has been?
Let’s be present in the present
And live this life in this beautiful universe’s presence

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© 2020 Navin’s Poetry. All rights reserved.

That Man

I snapped like crazy on my kids & wife. No one could reach me as I turned in this fire-spitting devil. My family got scared of me & kids were crying. Later the same evening, when I came to my senses, I was crying, feeling anxious & was breathing heavily while I was asking myself, what the hell on this earth I was thinking & doing. If I act & react like this, I would traumatize my own family because of my deeds & patterns. That night was terrible for the whole family.

He’s an average man with his own imbalances
He feels like that freelancer with a lance tipped with steel in his hand
Who pokes others’ feelings unintentionally so they bleed coz he’s somewhat scared
The explosions of balloons with sudden release of the air

Sometimes he realizes too late, then he gets kinda stressed & very upset
He then wishes to set himself on fire to feel their pain
To leave his own head, to see himself burning in those crazy flames
To let go of his soul in the deeper & dark space

Sometimes a single moment can trigger a shot in his head
That everything becomes meaningless & then he becomes so sad
Breathing heavily while anxiety is reaching at his door steps
Feeling helpless, so he locks his head with heavy chains to feel safe

He’s trying to find his real ground to come out of the underground hell
He’s not trying to be perfect coz he knows that he can’t
But he’s trying to do everything to be a better man
He doesn’t believes in hiding, so he reveals that I’m that man

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© 2020 Navin’s Poetry. All rights reserved.

Grasp Rings

This poem is about sensing the ripples due to my previous poems. It’s like there’s silence before the storm. I know my poem made an impact, as I feel blacklisted. I don’t care though as I believe in true to myself. My words can cut the stone but I don’t write my lines to take revenge. I write to say that I know what happened back then & I can sense how you feel about it. I will always express what I feel, bleed & the beats I create.

I can feel this
You decided to block scene
After you discussed & talked things  
I know you felt my writing
You meant, it wasn’t the right thing
But you didn’t play the right strings
I know you don’t like the wordings
Crawling through my verses
Honestly, it didn’t shock me
To sense how your mind thinks
But it would never stop me
To jot when I realize things
Coz I don’t ever write themes
To like me or to like them

I simply spread ink that my mind bleeds
To express emotions when my soul screams
To scribble stories when my heart speaks
I don’t like anymore to play hide & seek
When I can see that light seam 
From my scarred screen in the dark field 
Truth can sometimes burn the outer skin
To unravel the flames of inside scenes

I really don’t mind this
Even if you grind minds
But you’ll never reach mine
There is never a timeline 
To read those fine lines
It’s never about the limelight 
I talk about the life size
People ought to sideline
And they can’t define the divine
Which is not some sci-fi
You see, I don’t believe in sigh-fight

If you want me to spice this
To write some more & rhyme things
Define & decide your own deeds
Just don’t be anyone’s sidekick
And it’s not a crime if
I offer you flavored ice tea
Breathe deep while you close your eyelid
To calm your mind, like that divine sea

Sense what’s your I size
Just don’t rely alone on your eyesight
Coz it’s all about our heart beats
But only if you can grasp rings
When a drop hits, the O(cean) sings
When a heart opens, the whole syncs
Mind isn’t always the bright zing
Put a lid on the Self & let free the heart Being

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© 2019 Navin’s Poetry. All rights reserved.

No Grudge

I knew my poem Fading Bonds would make some sound. I knew it’ll be taken into the wrong context coz how I dared open my mouth. My main message was – be real and stop telling stories, lies, fantasies & the fake good deeds. In the end, some of the family members did understand when I was confronted face to face.

No, I haven’t been holding a grudge, you see  
And hate is not at all in me
I don’t hide or carry the guns with me
It’s not about some revenge or claiming anything
All I wanted you to feel that untold & painful scene
Where greens weighed more than respect, love & the family links 
That wasn’t fair, no it wasn’t to your youngest sibling
So here I am once again to clear the air that we breathe
 
First, you need to understand just a very simple thing
It was never about the glitters or the greens that you think
Fading Bonds was tough but I know, I did the right thing
But I could hear from the start, you didn’t get my writing
Coz recently, I had to hear about the death, the dowry & the spending
But I don’t need to bend things to tell this 
It sounded more like a self defense than to sense things
It seemed as if I should be thankful for all those deeds
That happened back then when I wasn’t born, no I wasn’t even an offspring
 
You see, if you step on some feet deliberately
It would make the heart to pain & bleed eventually
When that feet belonged to the same herd in reality
I saw back then the eyes, that were cold & the dance, it was shocking
I felt the every bit as if those bonds were actually mocking
It was there I sensed family was just a word with no deep meaning
That scene is imprinted in me & I can play every moment from that reel
But I’m trying to erase it from the memory, to not feel what I felt for real
 
My verses were purely about that punishment versus dignity 
All I had a simple question to answer with honesty
Why to humiliate & punish the youngest one among those 6 siblings?
It was about her suffering when your love was somewhere hiding
That’s the main scene, that’s all I was depicting 
It was about sensing things than to sending greens
But the focus was on how it was back then
Where I could smell some sort of guilty feeling
 
Let me tell you another thing while I’m here & writing 
Even her biggest sacrifice was framed into deranged tale, that I’ve been hearing  
How come no one could see this since decades, what has been happening?
Twists & turns on a straight lane, perhaps the minds are leaning 
Let it fade now, let go the Lies, the fake story telling
 
Closing eyes don’t make things to disappear with a blink
And keeping silence for years doesn’t make a human weak
You see, life is love in different forms & feels
That is what we all are in our true real beings 
Love is all one needs to live & breathe
And greens look beautiful in different form of leaves 
So let’s live from the deep & be that human, that very being
Finding peace amidst storms is my way to define things
Being real for real, it’s the ultimate spiritual bliss

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© 2019 Navin’s Poetry. All rights reserved.

Connections

The words are flowing in me as I write this poem. Everything is simply connected to each other in a beautiful manner. You need to feel the poem than to analyse it. Connecting heart, with universe, with living creatures and finding perfection in imperfections. Even the beautiful moon has dark spots – be who you really are.

Connecting with the things that are imperfect 
Is the perfection to connect with your impurities 
But purity can’t be felt by you honestly 
If you can’t feel the beating inside of you intensely
So framing this in the scenes of living beings 
Is simply threading moments that’s quite a wary thing
Probably, you won’t get a single thing from my wordings
Just try to leave the analysis once in parenthesis
Now sense the breeze & forget about everything
You would then feel the breeze as your very own being
Your eyes will become intense & infinitely deep
Sacredly, this universe & your heart belong to the same beat

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© 2019 Navin’s Poetry. All rights reserved.

The Devil’s Face

It’s my poem of horrors if you simply read the words. But if you dig deeper, it’s not about the blood bath. It’s about showing the real face, which we tend to hide to give the fake appearance of looking happy & great. To me, it’s not a scary poem, it’s a sacred one – a different art form.

The desire to rip off the devilish face

Pump the blood out of the bloody arteries & veins

Need to burn the body in intense fire & flames

Slice the remains in sharp pieces & small scales

Cut the bones with saw, the sharp rotating chain

Everything collapses, no screams & there’s no pain

Cook the flesh in thick blood till it’s tender & changes its shade

Finding the demons that reside in haunted & crumbled shed

Hiding behind the intense & provocative lens

Made of complex geometries with that improperly proper base

This scene looks so scary from your narrow & twisted lane

There’s a fine line between your sane & my insane

Feel the heat, I’m not here to dig your grave

The gory imagination is an art of this devil, the creative brain

Just show the true you, that’s living behind your face

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© 2019 Navin’s Poetry. All rights reserved.

Blinking Ph(r)ase

I’m simply staring at the blinking cursor on my dark screen. It’s similar to my blinking phase in this very moment. I’m restless, scared, quite anxious and panicking as I don’t know whether I would be able to be alone with my kids for 3 months while my wife is studying in another country. But it’s not about putting blame on her as it’s not about her at all. I’m doubting myself & my capabilities. It’s the testing time for me to show I can take care. I’m trying to find the patience, peace – my grounding, as my mind is thinking military. The discipline I need to take care of 2 kids from early morning til I put them to bed & having a full time job, that’s normally full of deadlines. Not a big deal fir several single parents but I feel, our situation quite unique. So I’m kind of terrified but somehow, I’m able to stand on my ground.

Staring at the blinking cursor on this dark page
Feel the need to sprinkle brilliant dark dust from my scarred phrase
Even in darkness, I can see the reflection of my manic face
But it’s my perception, coz this is just a frantic phase

I can already feel the intensity
Tomorrow is going to bring the sensitivity
Things are going to change dramatically
The gravity has started shifting enormously
Feeling scared in the scarcity of the sacred serenity

Situations
Correlations
Aggression
Restlessness
Elevation
Desperation

These aren’t some random words, you might not understand the half of it
But if you connect them all, you would see S.C.A.R.E.D.
It’s already so real for me but I’m not ready to loose & forfeit
The demon of anxiety is dancing on the blood surface & giving me fits 
And I can’t see & sense the ground under my burning cold feet

Nerves are controlling me from time to time 
That’s what you’ve been reading in some of my ryhmes
Thoughts have started knocking the door of my mind
Asking me questions imprinted on my wrecked slides

Will I make it all the way or break in the middle?
Will I bear it till the end or sweat blood as I progress?
Will I be able to absorb it all or panic & become anxious?
Will I sense every moment or loose in a second my breath?

So many questions are shooting in my head
But I can’t find the answers, not just yet
So I decide to take the small steps to feel safe
To see the impressions on my path that I walk with respect

But then I sense my real senses
That bring me out of the situations in my verses
That has been throwing curves, a few of them reversing
It’s the real life scene with zero rehearsals

The grounding resets everything in an instant
Shows me the place where I intend to stay & stand
It reconnects me to the peace, where I don’t suffocate
And brings my pieces back to the real & true state
Where my form is formless & perfectly inaccurate 
Where my situations vanish just like the ghost from this page
Where scared state changes into sacred space

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© 2019 Navin’s Poetry. All rights reserved.

Honestly

It’s was a tough choice for me & I knew whatever I would choose, it’ll be a wrong choice. My loving wife gave birth to our second son just 4 days back & I had to leave her & my 5 year old son as my father’s health was deteriorating. To me, one soul has taken a new form in the form of this newborn baby, while other’s was about to leave the body. What to choose? How can I be a son & a husband at the same time without upsetting anyone? Family in India was calling me to come, which I understand. My wife was asking me to not leave as she had just given birth & was very vulnerable, which I also understand. I knew that my wife & family would survive; she’s a strong woman. So I chose to fly away from her. Pretty selfish, right? But was I really that? We’ll always have different opinions – different cultures, different persons, different rights & wrongs. I still hear that I have traumatised my wife, which is perhaps true. But no one understands why I did that. I know deep down why I took that decision. Honestly, I don’t regret it. However, everything comes with a price. It doesn’t take a lot to unbalance the balance & my zodiac sign is libra.

It keeps coming back
Every now & then
You’ll never forget
It was so intense
Why I chose that
When you birthed the offspring
I know exactly how you felt
Coz you still feel the same

I knew back then quite well
What’s going to happen 
You see, my zodiac sign is Libra
The one with the balance
But I can’t always balance everything
And I don’t intend
But one thing I knew for sure
It was so certain
And I was already preparing myself
I don’t pretend
No matter what I was going to choose
It’s about to happen
That moment would draw me closer to my hell 
It was destined

You had just given birth
And you needed me very much
But then……
I shocked you
I saddened you
I ignited you 
I agitated you 
I perplexed you
I pained you 
I drained you
I deranged you
I rejected you 
I abandoned you
I betrayed you 
I hurt you
I left you
I simply left our 4 days old baby
All alone with you

Yeah, it sounds harsh & sad, ain’t no sitcom
And why it should not when it was
It’s all real, not just the inner war
I was that devil, who drew at you his heavy sword
But it wasn’t about one part, you see that’s only a half
The other half was bleeding as well coz it’s full of scars
But now it’s time to melt everything down to ground & extrude the purest form

I can see, it still brings you back to that old scene 
Where I turned into that man, who seemed so mean
Yeah, I’ve heard it now several times
That way back I had a(nother) choice
You told me what others have said, what I chose wasn’t alright
That choice of mine has changed into the biggest crime of my life

But if you could only listen to my heavy & deep voice
Without holding painbody with the tightening grip of your vice
I never said it’s pretty easy & it’s gonna be nice
Believe me, it was the only one, my only right choice
I know you can’t see it through the lens of your naked eyes
I know you would take this all to a different level & otherwise
I know it was crazy tough but have you ever heard me deny?

But tell me….
Did you ever try to see once through my side?
Did you ever try to dig deep into my life?
Did you even notice the pain in my eyes?
Did you think my heart was cold jar full of ice? 
Did I ever say if my choice was wonderful & wise?
Did you know that it was hard for me too as if I were to die?

But sometimes things are above & beyond, it’s all about the sacrifice
I know it was a very tough time, but still I don’t regret that choice
And I can’t explain you anymore, what was going on with me inside
One soul had found a new form & other was about to compromise
Read My Beloved with open heart & your beautiful big blue eyes
Things seem so unclear & dark, especially in hard times
But it’s the darkness, which carries the spiritual ray of light
This is my truth, my love; I don’t tell you no lies

But honestly….
Yeah, honestly….
Honestly, it is mind boggling
Honestly, it is bothering
Honestly, you see it as my failure but it was my responsibility
Honestly, I’ve heard it again several times undoubtedly
Honestly, I feel as if you are using it now consciously
Honestly, these words of yours are bombing on me, calamity 
Honestly, you’re trying to give me guilt, I’m not able to find you in me
Honestly, life ain’t no time bomb, it doesn’t have to keep ticking constantly
Honestly, look deeper in dark ocean, there’re no waves but lots of life & mystery
And honestly….
Yeah, honestly….
Honestly, there was never dishonesty
Honestly, I’m standing right here, so come talk to me
Honestly, it’s time to move on & heal the inside of me in you
Honestly, just walk into me, profoundly

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© 2019 Navin’s Poetry. All rights reserved.