Speculations

What if I could talk & walk without loosing my balance?
What if I could feel my left arm without the weird sensation?
What if I didn’t loose & break things every now & then?
What if I could remember the things without hammering my brain?
What if I had the strength most of the day without getting tired?
What if I could this & that without snapping with fire?

I know it’s the baby steps that I must take
Breathe in, let go of a few things, for my own sake
But I’m a human being & I do feel sometimes very sick
I wish to swim in deep waters & not to sink
The mind, body & soul if I could really sync
The joyful melodies if I could mostly write & then sing
All I feel is to throw that fireball straight before it starts to swing

Wings I’m missing to fly
Rings I’m dropping in ocean
Pins I’m feeling in head
Anxiety I’m writing to show
Chains I’m tightening to exhale
Pain I’m sensing in hearts
Links I’m tying to connect
Love I’m expressing to soul

But beasts are hitting the beats
The desire to prey on me & eat
My surface is beaded & is ready to bleed
But all I need is to close my eyes & breathe
To reach the deepest of the deep
To find the peace inside of me
To sit on top of the snowy mountain in bare skin with ease
To simply evaporate my speculations by spiritual means

NAVIN’S POEMS © 2020

Dark Skies

Bright sunlight is falling upon my face
But dark skies have started covering my scarred phase
Trying to let it go from the mind, the top space
But heart is replaying the beat from that soulful place

Pain is what I feel
Sadness is what I’m surrounded with
My chest feels so heavy
Arrows in my body
That pinching sensation in my brain
Bathing in my blood
But the inside is even bloodier

Look deeper in the eyes
Eyes can never lie
No matter how hard they try to hide
The perception of the whole story
Perhaps this is also the way to heal

I knew the consequences
I knew there was these terms
So how can I complain?
Though heart is broken & bleeding
Blessing has different ways & forms
Shutting my eyes off
To clear the darker skies
From the light of that spiritual form

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© 2020 Navin’s Poetry. All rights reserved.

That Man

He’s an average man with his own imbalances
He feels like that freelancer with a lance tipped with steel in his hand
Who pokes others’ feelings unintentionally so they bleed coz he’s somewhat scared
The explosions of balloons with sudden release of the air

Sometimes he realizes too late, then he gets kinda stressed & very upset
He then wishes to set himself on fire to feel their pain
To leave his own head, to see himself burning in those crazy flames
To let go of his soul in the deeper & dark space

Sometimes a single moment can trigger a shot in his head
That everything becomes meaningless & then he becomes so sad
Breathing heavily while anxiety is reaching at his door steps
Feeling helpless, so he locks his head with heavy chains to feel safe

He’s trying to find his real ground to come out of the underground hell
He’s not trying to be perfect coz he knows that he can’t
But he’s trying to do everything to be a better man
He doesn’t believes in hiding, so he reveals that I’m that man

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Scheck This

What am I doing here so late?
Why do I feel like sketching something on this slate?
I see the intense light that falls upon it from the sacred place
The need to chalk a story which is so pure & sane
The need to create this beautiful form from a deeper place
Darker shades appear brighter in the light of this glowing face
Everything around this is above & beyond with high stakes

Peel my skin off to realize what lies behind these layers
Thick red ink is flowing in my veins to line these phrases
Pain is a delicate part of me, that I dig to find my grounding
Peace is the river inside of me, that I flow to reach the darker surroundings
Love is the fire in my heart, that I burn to live this life, is quite astounding

Connections that are profound & sacred, are the ones that I truly cherish
These words will never disappear even though I one day will transform to the ashes
They are permanently embossed on my soul, that I’ll keep carrying
Every single moment is meant to be, is what I’ve been believing
There are no such things as coincidences in life, that we’ve been living

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© 2020 Navin’s Poetry. All rights reserved.

Achieve

Am I here to achieve a few things?
You see, if I put my heart & bleed
I can reach heights with ease
I might feel a bit dizzy & weak
But I won’t change to deceased
But is that what I really need?
Sometimes this all sounds like some disease
Do you get what I really mean & seek?

I know we all are human beings
Hungry to fulfill our different needs
But it does makes me to wonder & think
Why do we run over our own kind to get that seat?
Why do we scream at each other & create a crazy scene?
Is the purpose of our lives to simply fight & compete?

Sometimes we do nothing but to preach
Sometimes we create confusion with such a great speed
Sometimes we infuse panic & chaos, which lead to stampede
Sometimes we want to hide the wrong doings & not to be seen
Are we a part of hunger game & ready to kill our own breed?

The current way of doings & achieving, quite obsolete
I’m just projecting this picture that I’ve been seeing
Just try to listen & consider a few things
I’m simply suggesting, I’m not here to teach
Real joy comes from the heart & its beats
Simply let go the air that we tend to breathe

All I want is to sow a few seeds before I leave
The holy water will then do its own magical tricks
The seeds will turn into the powerful trees
We are all different creatures with a common means
The essence of this thing lies in the very being
So let’s spread the love that’s necessary to live

It’s time to bring awareness while we walk on our own feet
That ripple in water can be sensed from the seven seas
Let’s find new ways to fill the stomachs eventually
Let’s open the gates of our hearts to the real & loving deeds
Let’s wide open the mind’s eyes to redefine what an achievement should be
Shallow life is unstoppable calamity
Sacred path is pure spirituality

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© 2020 Navin’s Poetry. All rights reserved.

Painting this Picture

Tear my eyes to ocean
Tear my body into pieces
Break open the dark skies
Break me into phases
Paint my face in thick red
Paint my phrase to crazy
Pain me till I feel the edges
Pain me to find the inner space
Falling from top of the hill
Falling to reach my grounding
Diving to kill the killzone
Diving to meet the unknown
Dying to repair the top shelf
Dying to reborn my whole self

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© 2020 Navin’s Poetry. All rights reserved.

Thoughts in my Head

The pricking sensation in my damaged head
The lost feeling in my left arm & hand

Questioning myself while showering under the tap
How long do I have to take the heavy epilepsy tabs?
How long will it take me to regain my balance & strength?
Would I get my sensation completely back?
Would my brain reroute the signals to reconnect?

All these thoughts are making me crazy & insane
Feel like screaming so loud that the window might get some cracks
Someone please seal my lips so tight with that sticky black tape
These thoughts are stabbing me deeply & my clotted-sickened brain
It feels like the range of patience has changed to that little picture in the frame

I still get shocked that I could’ve ended up on my deathbed
My condition was so bad that I could’ve left my family & this nest
So I’m trying to calm myself down but it’s not always in my hands
When such thoughts take over me, I become the victim of my own psycho head

I can feel that my memory has simply weakend as well
On a Monday I said to someone, have a very good weekend
I know it’s normal after the bleeding in the corner of my head
But it still annoys me, what’s happening, I ain’t a thick head

Therapies are helping me extensively to repair my body & to fix my head
Closing my eyes for a while after daily exercises & taking some deep breaths
Thoughts disappear instantly & I regain my inner strength
Start moving towards the stars without looking back at my tracks
I must close my eyes more often to find inner peace & to come out of my head

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© 2020 Navin’s Poetry. All rights reserved.

A Poem: Bittersweetness

Some people like the taste of
Bittersweet chocolate and
Some give it just a try coz
The problem is that
Sweet taste disappears so fast & then
Bitter hits the tongue to
Give the sensation of darkness but
You feel like eating some
More bittersweet chocolate to
Get the sweetness back again before
The bitter hits you once more but
This time the difference is that
The bitterness lasts longer so
Either you’ll get addicted to the taste or
It would be hard to enjoy with the slow pace
I’m that bittersweet chocolate entering in your deep space so
Slide me in and
Bite me into small pieces to
Get that raw taste or
Use your soft hands to
Unwrap the silver foil and
Break me into pieces to
Put me in your lukewarm bowl where
You stir & melt me gently where
We melt & freeze slowly to
Make new shape & forms but
If you can’t decide that
You would like the taste coz
It’s difficult for you to
Try something less sweet then
Simply wrap me back and
Hide me somewhere in your space coz
You aren’t ready to handle
The real & raw flavours of
Pure joy & sweet pain well
Perhaps another time but
You must always remember that
You are holding just a portion of this bar and
Not sitting in some darkened space and
Holding the bars of a cage coz
One thing about me will never change that
I’ll always remain the bittersweet chocolate with
A slightly edgy taste that
Depends on the chemistry between
You & me and
How I was actually made

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© 2020 Navin’s Poetry. All rights reserved.

Many Frustrations & Manifestation

It’s like writing with my own hands my own crazy journal
Feeling as if the ink is becoming thicker & so infernal
Adding one extra sickness due to this sickening kernel
Loosing sometimes my mind, though the soul is eternal

Brain hemorrhage has been raised with epilepsy in this game of revelation
The medicine I take, is quite heavy in the current prescription
The feeling that I’m doped, isn’t some mindless imagination
My head is heavier with these crazy thoughts due to shear frustration

Shaken & shocked to the core after this new information
I didn’t realize till now, I could’ve been ashes, my true confession
I thought back then, all I needed was a few weeks of rehabilitation
This all is dragging me down to new levels of irritation

But I’m still dedicated to move in the true direction
Motivated to walk in my shoes & balance my imperfect feet to perfection
Ready to work harder to get back the grip & sensation
Steering wheels through this difficult bumpy ride to reach my stable station

It’s all about healing in real time without maximum acceleration
Perhaps this all has a deeper meaning, it’s beyond sense perception
It’s to heal the unhealed body & soul with therapies, mindfulness & meditation
A new chance to reignite my life, the beginning of my own manifestation

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© 2020 Navin’s Poetry. All rights reserved.

Unhide

I could wear a fake smile & fit into the crowd
To hide my real face
But I’d rather keep it real
To show who I really am
That I express openly
Through my poetic phrases

I do write about my life
That has several shades & phases
Coz I don’t see any point in hiding one side
That subsides the whole face
It’s simply sublime to shine on the shrine
Of the true divine in real space

The true beauty doesn’t lies in the make up & disguise
Sometimes it’s living in self denial or to simply please & satisfy
Where everything appears so happy & nice from just a single mile
It took me a while to come closer to the other side
Which wasn’t created by this crazy & manipulative mind
I might share sometimes my vulnerable sides but it’s the strength that I really fire

So if you look deeper into your eyes
They show the reflection of your beautiful heart, the being you are
It’s the imperfect mind & self, which have a bunch of scars
But it still doesn’t matters at all if you honestly ask
A real connection with you is the connection with your heart
That’s what it takes to make you feel aww

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© 2020 Navin’s Poetry. All rights reserved.