January 2020 - Navin's Poetry

Painting this Picture

Original poetry, Passionate poems, Spiritual poems

Tear my eyes to ocean
Tear my body into pieces
Break open the dark skies
Break me into phases
Paint my face in thick red
Paint my phrase to crazy
Pain me till I feel the edges
Pain me to find the inner space
Falling from top of the hill
Falling to reach my grounding
Diving to kill the killzone
Diving to meet the unknown
Dying to repair the top shelf
Dying to reborn my whole self

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A Poem: Bittersweetness

Original poetry

Some people like the taste of
Bittersweet chocolate and
Some give it just a try coz
The problem is that
Sweet taste disappears so fast & then
Bitter hits the tongue to
Give the sensation of darkness but
You feel like eating some
More bittersweet chocolate to
Get the sweetness back again before
The bitter hits you once more but
This time the difference is that
The bitterness lasts longer so
Either you’ll get addicted to the taste or
It would be hard to enjoy with the slow pace
I’m that bittersweet chocolate entering in your deep space so
Slide me in and
Bite me into small pieces to
Get that raw taste or
Use your soft hands to
Unwrap the silver foil and
Break me into pieces to
Put me in your lukewarm bowl where
You stir & melt me gently where
We melt & freeze slowly to
Make new shape & forms but
If you can’t decide that
You would like the taste coz
It’s difficult for you to
Try something less sweet then
Simply wrap me back and
Hide me somewhere in your space coz
You aren’t ready to handle
The real & raw flavours of
Pure joy & sweet pain well
Perhaps another time but
You must always remember that
You are holding just a portion of this bar and
Not sitting in some darkened space and
Holding the bars of a cage coz
One thing about me will never change that
I’ll always remain the bittersweet chocolate with
A slightly edgy taste that
Depends on the chemistry between
You & me and
How I was actually made

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Many Frustrations & Manifestation

Original poetry, Poems about rehab

It’s like writing with my own hands my own crazy journal
Feeling as if the ink is becoming thicker & so infernal
Adding one extra sickness due to this sickening kernel
Loosing sometimes my mind, though the soul is eternal

Brain hemorrhage has been raised with epilepsy in this game of revelation
The medicine I take, is quite heavy in the current prescription
The feeling that I’m doped, isn’t some mindless imagination
My head is heavier with these crazy thoughts due to shear frustration

Shaken & shocked to the core after this new information
I didn’t realize till now, I could’ve been ashes, my true confession
I thought back then, all I needed was a few weeks of rehabilitation
This all is dragging me down to new levels of irritation

But I’m still dedicated to move in the true direction
Motivated to walk in my shoes & balance my imperfect feet to perfection
Ready to work harder to get back the grip & sensation
Steering wheels through this difficult bumpy ride to reach my stable station

It’s all about healing in real time without maximum acceleration
Perhaps this all has a deeper meaning, it’s beyond sense perception
It’s to heal the unhealed body & soul with therapies, mindfulness & meditation
A new chance to reignite my life, the beginning of my own manifestation

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Happy B’day My Dearest Wife

Original poetry

You are that golden & intense sunshine
Who lighten up my darkened shades & gloomy signs
Even though we’re going through very difficult times
It’s you, who has kept me & the family alive
You’re the beautiful being with the sense of the sublime
The heart of yours is pure & divine
The emotions flow in you as the waves – sinusoid
I’m deeply thankful that you’re in my life
I know, I don’t always show it & sometimes I make you cry
But you must know that I love you very high, you’re the magical kind
Jan – A Very Happy B’day from our beautiful kids & me – my dearest & beautiful wife

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Snapping

Original poetry, Poems about aggression, Poems about anger

I can feel something has changed in me
And it’s just not me who share this opinion about me
Coz I can see that it doesn’t take a lot before I loose control of my scene

If the things aren’t the way I like, then I get very upset & very mean
Then the moments begin where I start nagging & complaining about immaterial things
It’s just right there, I make it worse by snapping over family

Nothing matters to me at that point coz I can’t figure things out
Sometimes I don’t even know what I did wrong & why it’s my fault
Sometimes I wonder why so much smoke coming out from the wooden log
They just look at me in despair & are ready to sob
All I need is my space but the whole space is blinded by this thick fog

So tell me how I can rationalize
If I don’t know I’m about to jeopardize
The relationship & family lives
I’m not that scary monster, ready to eat everyone alive

It pains me to see them suffer
But then why have I become so blunt & why can’t I shut up?
Why can’t I simply use heart as the filter?
To let go of the things which can’t be used as the filler

So I need me to help me out
To find & then sort the things out
To scream in my own ears so loud
To find clear skies behind the darker clouds
All I need is to breathe the air in & then breathe it out

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Pills, Pieces & Peace

Original poetry, Poems about drugs, Poems about pain

Taking the strong epilepsy pills twice a day since I’ve got the cramps
Every night painkiller & anti histamin join this insane party of flashy pills
Feeling doped but I still can’t sleep or get rid of the body pain
Hoping this all will soon end coz I don’t want to be pills’ dependent

Pills are keeping a few things away from me
But they’re also poisoning me slowly
So many chemicals in my body flowing, pure impurity
Don’t have enough energy to handle them & still remain me

The feeling of moving 2 steps forward & 1 backward
It’s not that things aren’t moving on the right path
But it doesn’t mean I feel normal as I used to be
Perhaps that’s the meaning to redefine & redesign me

Sometimes it’s irritating when I can’t hold the things with my left hand as I used to be
Every other day I’m breaking something into pieces, that brings the frustration into me
But I’m not giving up & I won’t coz keep failing is the way of learning
Mesmerized at the same time how brain has affected me physically & mentally

The feeling of handicap comes & goes when I can’t do the things I used to
Struggling to do the small things that used to be so normal back then to me
Where I never had to think of “how to” or “now let me see”
I must drop the phrase “that I used to be” coz I need to rewire to reach where I used to be

At times I feel the heavy burden on the whole family
Just want to break down this wall with my left fist & want to scream
Until every single brick gets crushed or falls apart
Where I retain my balance without my brain makes me feel dizzy

Don’t tell me it’s very normal
Don’t tell me this is how it is
Don’t tell me it’s a part of the process
Don’t tell me I’m not getting crazy

No, I’m not writing so you feel bad about me
No, sympathy is the last thing I need
Perhaps this is the reminder to be thankful for every single thing
It doesn’t matter if it’s big or small or very simple thing

I’m calm & determined but restless & annoyed at the same time
Complex but that’s what’s going on
Still learning to accept my situation
Where the key is patience & inner peace
They can’t be found anywhere but in the burning core of this human being

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