Month: March 2024

I’m freewriting in the dark with the diamond blade
The sharp edge is dancing wild with the lightning speed
The sparks of these lines re-form that lively phase
When I was drawn to this life on my dying slate
Hemorrhage had hammered my house in the surprising way
I was down on the floor when I finished eating my evening meal

I couldn’t rise & walk towards my grounded bed
I was struggling quite a lot with no balanced stance
So I began to slowly crawl with my warrior pace
While I was holding the drops from my sighing face
I was living that instance so raw from the shocking place
So I broke into small pieces & some enormous like the shiny vase

Tears did the crystal clear talk on my wavy stage
Fear started to poke delicate walls of my clotted brain
I couldn’t sleep under the sheet at all for several nights & days
That scene was running in slo-mo like the never ending race
I would replay & then simply pause to absorb & sense
It was an unbelievable moment after all of my reality check

The Universe was initiating a call to tell it’s time for a change
Coz I had been sleeping for too long in the shallow depths
I felt instantly I wasn’t resting anymore in the coffin case
That waking up call made me explore the enlightened space
Weakness in me to the core but I started to gain some strength
It’s time to transform my spots into the constellation of true self

This is pure sharing based on my experience…I’m neither suggesting anything nor giving any kind of advice…I’ve observed one thing about trauma in me that it doesn’t leave the body & the system…and perhaps, it will never…but the way I deal with it has changed…if I’m open to see it with the eyes of acceptance, understanding & compassion, then it doesn’t affect me with the same intensity as it used to…a mood swing is bare minimal…sometimes I do relive those scenes through the memory screen…but I don’t stop that “movie” instantly even when it’s not a nice place to be…the magical fireworks of healing has different colours, projections & decibels…it’s not necessarily a peaceful process…I feel, it’s better to see & observe the traumatic experience mindfully & let it slowly settle down than to simply block it…feel it, be with it & talk about it to the trusted dear ones and/or seek professional help if necessary…and of course, write poetry or choose another way to express it…

I’m simply sharing that hospital scene from 2019 in the form of this poetry…my purpose isn’t to gain sympathy nor am I feeling sorry for me…coz I know what I have…I have fully accepted it & I have made peace with it